When I think of enzymes I think of my yogurt sitting in the fridge teeming with tiny little life forms that have a positive impact in my gut when I eat them. I also think of that household cleaning stuff called Kids and Pets that uses enzymes to remove stains and odors, especially those nasty ones caused by kids and pets as the name describes. These tiny organisms may hold the key to new treatment in addiction recovery.

Can Enzymes Take The Edge Off Addiction?

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Breaking Up with My Addiction

September 8, 2011 — 2 Comments

Sponsors tell you that writing things down helps, to journal the fight against addiction, having a record, getting things off your chest;  this is another twist to doing that and I must say I like it.

Actor Colin Farrell has said that he has given up cigarettes but here is the interesting part: he wrote a break up letter to tobacco on the last day he would smoke.

I like it. Maybe this would be a fruitful exercise. Having journals of my addiction recovery has served to help me keep it together sometimes when I can see the signs of the spiral; isolation, negative thoughts etc. There have been times when I look back at my journals and I can see clearly step by step what happened whenever I had a relapse or even how I saw it coming and avoided falling into old destructive behaviors.

Because I am living on the upside, happy go lucky side of things,  I decided I would write a humorous short poem to say I am done with you. (I am not a good poet so feel free to laugh at me, I am!)

Good bye Drugs and Alternate Reality

You reached for me, I reached for you,

you promised fullness but left me dull,

there is nothing here for you anymore,

I quit, I am done, It’s no more fun.

Don’t want to think of what you have done.

I am going far and won’t come close

to the likes of you,

no more, no more.

Feeding My Spirit

September 2, 2011 — 5 Comments

I am getting used to this idea that there is a spirit inside me and outside me. I am sensing that there is something great out there; I have begun to examine my spirituality. Regardless of how I have lived my life it has seen me through it and has not left me. Although I grew up Catholic and going to church I never knew God on my own.

Whenever I read the Bible in the past I felt like an idiot because I didn’t understand anything in it.

I am a fan of  Jane Lynch who plays Sue Sylvester in Glee. I get her dry stick it to you humor. My first Jane Lynch laugh attack was when she appeared in an episode of “My Name Is Earl” way back in 2008. She abducted Earl’s grown up idiot brother with naughty intentions.

Jane is a recovering alcoholic. In her new memoir titled Happy Accidents to be released September 13 of this year, she says she used Nyquil to help relieve her addiction to beer. She also says she would eat a gallon of chocolate ice cream every day to offset the sugar she was now missing from beer.

It sounds like she is no longer dependent on any mood enhancing substances and I really hope she is sticking to her recovery. She is enjoying so much success right now and hopefully she doesn’t let the pressure of it all push her back into abusing.

I don’t know why but I am always surprised to learn about someone’s challenge with drugs and alcohol when it is someone I admire. Like Lynch, she is funny, pretty, and talented and seems to have this down to earth quality. I shouldn’t be surprised though; we are all human and we all make good choices and bad.

Do I Care What You Think?

August 18, 2011 — 8 Comments

I know it may be kind of silly but I am wondering for how many of you your addiction began as a way of fitting in or being socially accepted by peers. I know this was my experience. I wanted to be like my older cousins. Their opinions and behaviors had great influence over me.

That fateful beginning was like a snowflake that rolled, and rolled, and rolled into an enormous ball of snow and ice shards, breaking everything in its path; besieging me and freezing up any goals or aspirations I had for my life.

I am not blaming my peers or anyone else. I took the beer, I put it up to my lips, and I swallowed it down. Continue Reading…

I just met Sarah, and she’s doing something special, please meet her:

My name is Sarah and I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for over four years and I’m passionate about many things but especially about acting and recovery. I decided to combine these two loves by creating and starring in a web series entitled Grace This Way. I play a woman named Grace who achieves sobriety by working a twelve step program. Each episode represents a step in recovery. There are a total of 9 episodes because I felt led to combine steps four and five into one episode; the same for six and seven and eight and nine. The first episode premiers Sunday night, September 18 at 8 o’clock at www.gracethisway.com. Subsequent episodes will be released every Sunday at the same time. It is my hope that people struggling with addiction will see Grace

The sad and mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of Amy Winehouse have left me baffled. The unfortunate truth is that either account is believable. Her family says it was alcohol withdrawal.

A drug dealer has come forward saying that he arranged for Amy to buy some drugs from another drug dealer referred to as “Mr. Big”. He says she purchased 1/2 oz. crack and a 1/2 oz. heroin.

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Mother’s Day

June 7, 2010 — 5 Comments

I truly can’t believe it but it’s already time for Mother’s Day again. The year has gone by so quickly but it has also brought so many changes.

Last year my Happy Mother’s Day post was about my own mother and the importance of a mother’s support and understanding for her child in their recovery.

This year I wanted to talk about how much my own role of a mother has improved now that I am further into my addiction recovery.

No food, no clean clothes, no order and basically no rules. This would be a pretty good description of the way my home was when I was in active addiction. Sad but very true.

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Just try and tell me that you haven’t had that thought before…anyone, no one, ok then. Good, it’s not just me. Our minds are so f’d up with addictive thinking that we actually try and fool ourselves into believing the thought that possibly we weren’t as bad as we made out to be. We must have over reacted because we went today without drinking and it wasn’t too hard.

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Change Is Inevitable

June 5, 2010 — 5 Comments

You know what is weird? In a professional sense I welcome change. I’m open to procedure changes and I stay positive and try to keep others positive. Why then, in my personal life do I sometimes get so sad about change?

This topic has come up in my head tonight because I was reading a post by The Junkie’s Wife called Zombie Love which was talking about her missing some of the way things used to be. Me, already being down tonight (as seen in this The Write Thought Post called Feelings Suck Sometimes) was brought to tears over this post.

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