There are certain things in life that we cannot change, no matter how badly it is we want to be able to. Just like the Serenity Prayer states, we hope for the serenity to accept the things we can not change.
I usually look at addiction from an addicts point of view, what with being a recovering addict and all. But it seems that I need to change up my role here for a little bit. I have a sibling that is an active addict still in the denial phase. I’m sitting helplessly watching an active addict and sometimes wishing that I could do more.
It’s a pretty tough situation, although I’m sure that there are tons of people out there that have experienced this exact thing. I guess what makes it even worse is having been there myself. I know what it feels like, I know how hopeless you can become and it scares the shit out of me.
If I wasn’t so focused on staying in the day…I could drive myself crazy with worrying about the future. Up until just recently I have been able to go about my own business without giving his problem much thought. I had already made the decision that I would in no way enable his activity by lending him money, etc.
It really sucks because the only time he talks to me is when he is asking me for money. This used to be someone I could sit and talk with for hours on end. It’s just not the case anymore. It’s sad.
I just am afraid that something is going to happen and I’m going to be thinking that I should have done more while I had the chance. But really, what can you do?
I try to think about this as logically as possible having been there before myself. I try and figure out what stage of his addiction he is in, if he is anywhere near his rock bottom, stuff like that. But it’s hard to tell with someone else. Addicts are so good at putting on a facade that in no way reflects what is actually happening on the inside.
I’m just down about this whole thing…but I just gotta accept the things I cannot change. If I’ve learned anything in recovery it is that.