It still amazes me when I sit here and actually ponder the thought of using Oxycontin again. Logically I know it will only lead me back into the horrible downward spiral I just gone done climbing back out of…so what is up with these Oxycontin cravings?
I guess the difference between myself now and myself in very early recovery is the fact that I can handle these cravings. I know that all I have to do when I get an Oxycontin craving is to not use AND focus more on my recovery. It’s like my mind has finally gotten the hang of using it’s delay button when it comes to wanting instant gratification.
It’s weird to me how everything can seem to be going fine along my road of recovery and then all of a sudden I realize that I’m sitting and thinking about getting high. I often wonder what brings on these sudden cravings. I know that I haven’t been feeling good for the past couple of days and for me, feeling ill is a trigger.
Are cravings a sign that maybe your focus on recovery isn’t what it should be and you should really be on the look out for the warning signs of relapse? Is it just my old addiction trying to ram it’s way back into the foreground again by giving me that certain itch? I honestly don’t have any answers to what cravings truly are. I just know that I still get them.
Although you should always try to be taking things One Day At A Time (here I go with my recovery sayings again) sometimes I lose focus of that. It takes something like a craving to shock me back into the realization of just how important it is to stay in the day and focus on the twenty-four hours in a day.
I would really love to know if any of you still have to fight off cravings. I’m assuming that I’m not the only one. I guess I just didn’t realize that cravings to use would always be an issue no matter how much clean time a person has.
For myself, staying positive in addiction recovery also depends on me staying in the day. Sometimes I let myself get overwhelmed thinking about fighting off cravings for the rest of my life. It’s times like this that worrying only about getting through today saves me from giving up.
Cravings: I get them and it seems like I want to use but deep down I know what will come of it and the ends DO NOT justify the means.