Addiction Recovery: Dealing With Lingering Consequences

February 4, 2010 — 4 Comments

As time marches on in my addiction recovery I can happily say that the lingering negative consequences of my addiction are becoming few and far between. Occasionally I do have to deal with a situation that was set in motion as a direct result of my drug use.

So why do I bring this up? Well later this afternoon I have to report to court to deal with a monetary matter that I let get completely out of hand while in the haze of drug use. Is it weird to say that I’m looking forward to going?

Now obviously when I say that I’m looking forward to appearing in court…I’m not talking about entertainment purposes. This issue happens to be one of the few remaining issues that I have hanging over my head. I am looking forward to getting some sort of resolution to it.

There was a time in my addiction that I would run endlessly from situations like this. That was made easier with the help of drugs. I would live in complete denial of just about all of my responsibilities. I could have nipped this situation in the bud but I decided to evade the situation instead.

Sure, the summer before last I had received a summons to court in the mail. But, my junkie logic told me that since I wasn’t served with the summons…I wasn’t forced to appear. That wasn’t really the best course of action that I could have taken. So now, here I am over a year later still dealing with the same situation. Which, since I didn’t appear at the original court date, now takes place in criminal court.

Here is the difference between now and then. Now, I no longer have it in me to live in such denial. I’m not using drugs anymore so to numb my fear and anxiety is a lot tougher now. That leaves me with one logical choice…facing a situation head on.

I have known about this court date since about June of this year. There have been times when I have caught my mind dreading this day. My mind would think of all the “what if’s” and my body would literally go into panic mode.

I finally realized what I was doing. I was dreading a future situation even though I had no idea what the future holds. Even though I had been working so hard for months to learn how to stay in the day…I wasn’t doing it. It was after that realization that it occurred to me that there is nothing I can do to change how this court date is going to go. The damage is already done, it cannot be changed. I just need to go deal with it.

It was after that realization that I began to just let go of the worrying. If it popped in my head I would just tell myself, there is nothing I can do about it…stop thinking about it. And that is just what I did. I’m not living in denial but I’m also not allowing myself to obsess about it.

This goes on my list for one more of those things that I never thought I could deal with without the use of drugs…I was wrong. I’m dealing with it, and dealing with it well.

4 responses to Addiction Recovery: Dealing With Lingering Consequences

  1. Hi Erin,

    I am still dealing with the wreakage of my addiction also. In fact I am due in court on Nov 16 and may have to go back to jail or work release or maybe just another postponement – this has been going on for almost 2 years. And like you I am tired of it hanging over my head and just ready to get it over. I just wanted to say hello and say it helps to know others who are in similar staits as me.

    Good luck – Screedler

  2. Thanks Screedler
    I agree with you that just knowing that there are others out there that are having to deal with the crap left over from their addiction makes it somehow feel better.

    Who knows why but I guess it has something to do with that old saying “misery loves company”. It’s a saying for a reason right?

    As for my situation…postponed. Nothing was resolved and I’ll have to go back again but at least I got it over and done with for now.

  3. I know the hell you’re going through.I made so many messes while I was out using I really don’t know if they’ll all ever be cleaned up.I owe my ex-wife over 85k in back child support.so in turn she refuse to let me see my 2 sons which is killing me.But no matter how bad it seems I know it’ll be a whole lot worse if I go out and use over it.So I keep going to court and fighting for what is right and someday the right thing will happen what ever that might be.Clean date 9/18/05

    • Someone’sKiddo June 17, 2011 at 1:46 am

      The one person in my life who DOES matter remarked the other day, “Some people just don’t believe in 2nd chances, & you just cannot think less of yourself due to THEIR failing in that.” Your comment reminded me so much of that statement! Congrats on that clean date, best of luck!

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