Recently I had written a post regarding Suboxone being coined a wonder drug and what my thoughts are on that subject. I have had some interesting responses to this post but one stuck out in particular.
It was about someone who has bought Suboxone off the street to be used when he is coming off a long binge of Oxycontin use. The Suboxone helps avoid the cravings and the withdrawal symptoms. This got me thinking about how my thoughts about addiction have changed over time.
Prior to me admitting to my family that I had an addiction to Oxycontin, I had stopped using the drug for periods of time. It wasn’t pleasant but I would either ride out the withdrawal symptoms, or I would take some Suboxone that I got off the street. I would then vow to start fresh and not use anymore.
That would last for a week, maybe two and then I would be back to my old ways. Using Oxycontin everyday and steadily increasing my daily dose. This pattern went on for a while, but I didn’t mind because I knew that if it got bad enough…I could find someone with Suboxone and I could ease my way out of my physical addiction to Oxycontin.
That works physically of course but as we all know my addiction goes way beyond the physical. So it seems that by me purchasing Suboxone off the street I was doing nothing more than prolonging my agony. I was delaying the inevitable fact that I was going to need to find help for my addiction.
I guess as addicts we tend to find these temporary ways out of our addiction and that does nothing but to feed our addictive thinking. We are tricking ourselves into believing that we don’t have problems since we temporarily stopped. We don’t need help.
But of course, after a while those trusty corner cutting techniques stop working and we are left with the reality of our situation. Which as it turns out is a blessing in disguise.