Addiction Recovery: Delaying The Inevitable

April 30, 2010 — 11 Comments

Recently I had written a post regarding Suboxone being coined a wonder drug and what my thoughts are on that subject. I have had some interesting responses to this post but one stuck out in particular.

It was about someone who has bought Suboxone off the street to be used when he is coming off a long binge of Oxycontin use. The Suboxone helps avoid the cravings and the withdrawal symptoms. This got me thinking about how my thoughts about addiction have changed over time.

Prior to me admitting to my family that I had an addiction to Oxycontin, I had stopped using the drug for periods of time. It wasn’t pleasant but I would either ride out the withdrawal symptoms, or I would take some Suboxone that I got off the street. I would then vow to start fresh and not use anymore.

That would last for a week, maybe two and then I would be back to my old ways. Using Oxycontin everyday and steadily increasing my daily dose. This pattern went on for a while, but I didn’t mind because I knew that if it got bad enough…I could find someone with Suboxone and I could ease my way out of my physical addiction to Oxycontin.

That works physically of course but as we all know my addiction goes way beyond the physical. So it seems that by me purchasing Suboxone off the street I was doing nothing more than prolonging my agony. I was delaying the inevitable fact that I was going to need to find help for my addiction.

I guess as addicts we tend to find these temporary ways out of our addiction and that does nothing but to feed our addictive thinking. We are tricking ourselves into believing that we don’t have problems since we temporarily stopped. We don’t need help.

But of course, after a while those trusty corner cutting techniques stop working and we are left with the reality of our situation. Which as it turns out is a blessing in disguise.

11 responses to Addiction Recovery: Delaying The Inevitable

  1. That was well written, and definitely something I can personally relate to at this point in my life. I would say that I have been in this position for about six months now. I have been in a cycle of binging on oxycontin and then going through several weeks of suboxone or methadone to relieve the withdrawal symptoms. For a while I was in denial that it was having any negative effects on my life, but as things got worse it became more and more difficult to deny.

    The last time I saw my doctor, about 3 weeks ago, I told him that I wanted to end my prescription and we have come up with a plan to slowly cut my dosage from 80mg a day down to hopefully nothing. I’m hoping that I can follow his plan to quit, and I am fully committed. I have yet to see what I will do when my dosage eventually gets low, but from what I’ve read from your other posts I am fully prepared to be open with my doctor, and ask for additional help if it looks like I am leaning towards reaching out to the black market again.

    I’m glad I found your site, it is giving me a whole new perspective which I’m sure will be helpful in the months to come. Thank you for this and all your other posts.


  2. Austin – Just as you are saying that my posts are helping you, your comments are helping me.

    I have come to realize that by identifying with others I am helping to get a clearer picture of myself. I am not the exception in addiction recovery…I’m pretty much the norm.

    I have great respect for anyone such as yourself that is willing to put their thoughts and experiences out there for others to see. You might not realize it as of yet but by doing what helps you (talking about your addiction openly and honestly) you are helping others at the same time.

    As we have discovered are addictive patterns share a lot of similarities. So keep reading and keep sharing. You can do this.

  3. “We are tricking ourselves into believing that we don”t have problems since we temporarily stopped. We don”t need help.”

    Yes, this is something I write about often but in a slightly different way — I thought I was ADDICTED but not an ADDICT. My problem was a substance, not anything else, and once I fixed the problem with that substance I was fine. I used Methadone, Suboxone, Methadone again, and more Suboxone trying to fix my ADDICTION. Funny thing, my DISEASE kept showing up in a different package…..
    I did eventually get clean for good with Suboxone though, but it was combined with a program of recovery, a firm believe that I am an ADDICT, and a deep and grateful surrender to the disease that beat me.
    Good stuff, Erin. Way to go.

  4. I have been going threw similar experiences right now. About two years ago I was heavily addicted to Oxycontin and almost completly ruined my life and found myself in jail, without any friends, and without my girlfriend of 5 yrs. (Who never left me and stuck by me all the way I love you baby) I came clean with my family after a very unfortunate incident that sent me godspeed into what I call “A Moment of Realization” I looked at my life and was so disgusted with myself. I vowed to get help. At first I tryed to kick the Oxy’s by myself but that was damn near impossible. I mean I was at the point where I would rather kill my self then continue to suffer from the symptoms of the withdrawals. That’s when I discovered Suboxone, when I began taking it I felt absolutely none of the effects from the withdrawals of the Oxy’s and immediately was convinced that this was a pill sent from god to save my life. I’ve been on it for almost a year now and I’ve even begun to slip up a little bit and get high on Oxy’s on the weekend thinking of coarse that I have everything under control. But now I’ve come to a point in my life where I don’t want to be dependent on anything to live. I want to be clean of everything but I have no idea how to withdraw from the Sub’s. I’ve thought about reducing my dosage slowly day by day until I no longer need them anymore but I was informed that that will not be as easy it sounds. If there is anyone who can give me any information on how to help me with this problem of mine I would appreciate it greatly. I’ve been thinking about the kind of person I thought I would be at my age and I’m no where near it and almost at the point of being disgusted with myself but I know I’m strong enough to get threw this, I just need a little guidance. Thank you to all the open ears and open minds. I hope all of you do well. I was talking to a recovered addict once, feeling low, and asked him if I’m a bad person because of all the pain and suffering I’m putting the people I care about threw. And he told me “Not all addict’s are bad people. They’ve just lost sight of the good person within them, and that’s why they feel they have no worth.” BE STRONG AND STAY STRONG. ALL OF YOU, GOD BLESS.

  5. Hi Alexander

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It means a lot to others out there to see that someone else is in a similar situation.

    I just wanted to point out something from an outsider’s perspective. You said that you don’t want to be reliant on any type of drug and that is very understandable. But my question is if you can’t stay away from the Oxy’s while ON Suboxone…what’s going to happen when you come off? Have you thought about ways that you will make your recovery stronger? Going to meetings, going to counseling…stuff like that?

    I am all for people getting of Suboxone but it needs to be done when the person is ready to live life without any drugs in their system at all. Do you truly feel that you are ready for that? (Don’t take this as me knowing the answer…I’m really asking you.)


    Andrew D. Bennett, CADC II

    Contemporary cosmologists feel free to say anything that pops into their heads. Unhappy examples are everywhere: absurd schemes to model time on the basis of the complex numbers, as in Stephen Hawking”s A Brief History of Time; bizarre and ugly contraptions for cosmic inflation; universes multiplying beyond the reach of observation; white holes, black holes, worm holes, and naked singularities; theories of every stripe and variety, all of them uncorrected by any criticism beyond the trivial.
    – Source: Abridged from David Berlinski,

    • oh ANDY! It is a bit hard to keep in touch and EXPRESS my SINCERE GRATITUDE for you helping SAVE MY LIFE, some 26 or 27 YEARS AGO in San Diego.

      deanO here, although I was a bit more, shall we say….wound tight, when Dr Adler introduced us.

      You have to be the same guy, the only one I knew at the time riding a ducati, or was that a moto guzzi (sorry for the insult…riders tend to be loyal).

      I’ve searched fairly high and low from you over the years, but have always come up blank until now. We stumbled upon an envelope from you sent from the facility in eastern san diego county (trying to protect your privacy) and thought this may help me move one step closer to finding you.

      Fortunate to have I think 26.25 years clean from the white junk that took me down, and edging up on 25 years from all mind altering chemicals (except espresso & lattes); you may recall the great idea to have a little wine the night of my engagement…lucky that stopped short of a glass.

      I cannot thank you enough for sticking to your principles and always fighting to do what was best for the patient, even if that meant booting them out on the street for a little deeper bottom, than being kept around doing 1/2 measures at best so insurance could be billed the full pop.

      We love and miss you my friend.


      We still live in the same area of town and I’d love to hear from you & swap stories…we now have a couple teenagers, lab, 2 cats, i think 6 surfboards, plus daughter has 2.

      I’ll see if I can track you down.

  7. so i am coming off my 7th day of suboxone and yeah its pretty bad… but think if my doctor told me it was gonna be 5 days of hell i prob wouldnt have even attempted it.. the first two days were easy considdering the long half life. i had 8 out of ten possible side effects. you know them all but the restless leg was the worst. i have some pretty good remedies you can use. immodium for diarreah, asprin for restless legs(trust me it works wonders) zanex for anxiety, ambien for sleep, pepto for upset stomach.

    the insomnia starts on day 3 and i was up all night and the runs on day 4… day 5 wasnt so bad and day 6 is smooth sailin.. seriiously people need to look at this as a good thing i am finally free and feeling great.. whats 5 days of suffering compared to years of addiction

    also you should know i am in top physical condition.. in drank plenty of water and took liver cleansers.. by day 4 i gabbed my i pod and went for a walk.. get some kind of excersise, it made me feel alot better

    well i hope this helps someone… good luck

  8. hi,
    thank you for doing the blog. I’m a mom of a longtime heroin addict who’s done hard time, come home only to relapse right away after 2 yrs away. He’s done suboxone in the past, but the doc kept promoting getting off it soon, too soon actually, and he ended up relapsing. My son (he’s 25) has talked about the suboxone again recently (he’s in a detox now) so I’m glad to have some info from a former user.

  9. Hey, you’ve got posted such a informative write-up that it’s going to absolutely support me.

  10. Hey Dean –

    God bless you. email me.


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