Recently I had written a post regarding Suboxone being coined a wonder drug and what my thoughts are on that subject. I have had some interesting responses to this post but one stuck out in particular.
It was about someone who has bought Suboxone off the street to be used when he is coming off a long binge of Oxycontin use. The Suboxone helps avoid the cravings and the withdrawal symptoms. This got me thinking about how my thoughts about addiction have changed over time.
Prior to me admitting to my family that I had an addiction to Oxycontin, I had stopped using the drug for periods of time. It wasn’t pleasant but I would either ride out the withdrawal symptoms, or I would take some Suboxone that I got off the street. I would then vow to start fresh and not use anymore.
That would last for a week, maybe two and then I would be back to my old ways. Using Oxycontin everyday and steadily increasing my daily dose. This pattern went on for a while, but I didn’t mind because I knew that if it got bad enough…I could find someone with Suboxone and I could ease my way out of my physical addiction to Oxycontin.
That works physically of course but as we all know my addiction goes way beyond the physical. So it seems that by me purchasing Suboxone off the street I was doing nothing more than prolonging my agony. I was delaying the inevitable fact that I was going to need to find help for my addiction.
I guess as addicts we tend to find these temporary ways out of our addiction and that does nothing but to feed our addictive thinking. We are tricking ourselves into believing that we don’t have problems since we temporarily stopped. We don’t need help.
But of course, after a while those trusty corner cutting techniques stop working and we are left with the reality of our situation. Which as it turns out is a blessing in disguise.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
That was well written, and definitely something I can personally relate to at this point in my life. I would say that I have been in this position for about six months now. I have been in a cycle of binging on oxycontin and then going through several weeks of suboxone or methadone to relieve the withdrawal symptoms. For a while I was in denial that it was having any negative effects on my life, but as things got worse it became more and more difficult to deny.
The last time I saw my doctor, about 3 weeks ago, I told him that I wanted to end my prescription and we have come up with a plan to slowly cut my dosage from 80mg a day down to hopefully nothing. I’m hoping that I can follow his plan to quit, and I am fully committed. I have yet to see what I will do when my dosage eventually gets low, but from what I’ve read from your other posts I am fully prepared to be open with my doctor, and ask for additional help if it looks like I am leaning towards reaching out to the black market again.
I’m glad I found your site, it is giving me a whole new perspective which I’m sure will be helpful in the months to come. Thank you for this and all your other posts.
Austin
Austin – Just as you are saying that my posts are helping you, your comments are helping me.
I have come to realize that by identifying with others I am helping to get a clearer picture of myself. I am not the exception in addiction recovery…I’m pretty much the norm.
I have great respect for anyone such as yourself that is willing to put their thoughts and experiences out there for others to see. You might not realize it as of yet but by doing what helps you (talking about your addiction openly and honestly) you are helping others at the same time.
As we have discovered are addictive patterns share a lot of similarities. So keep reading and keep sharing. You can do this.
“We are tricking ourselves into believing that we don’t have problems since we temporarily stopped. We don’t need help.”
Yes, this is something I write about often but in a slightly different way — I thought I was ADDICTED but not an ADDICT. My problem was a substance, not anything else, and once I fixed the problem with that substance I was fine. I used Methadone, Suboxone, Methadone again, and more Suboxone trying to fix my ADDICTION. Funny thing, my DISEASE kept showing up in a different package…..
I did eventually get clean for good with Suboxone though, but it was combined with a program of recovery, a firm believe that I am an ADDICT, and a deep and grateful surrender to the disease that beat me.
Good stuff, Erin. Way to go.
Peace,
Scout
I have been going threw similar experiences right now. About two years ago I was heavily addicted to Oxycontin and almost completly ruined my life and found myself in jail, without any friends, and without my girlfriend of 5 yrs. (Who never left me and stuck by me all the way I love you baby) I came clean with my family after a very unfortunate incident that sent me godspeed into what I call “A Moment of Realization” I looked at my life and was so disgusted with myself. I vowed to get help. At first I tryed to kick the Oxy’s by myself but that was damn near impossible. I mean I was at the point where I would rather kill my self then continue to suffer from the symptoms of the withdrawals. That’s when I discovered Suboxone, when I began taking it I felt absolutely none of the effects from the withdrawals of the Oxy’s and immediately was convinced that this was a pill sent from god to save my life. I’ve been on it for almost a year now and I’ve even begun to slip up a little bit and get high on Oxy’s on the weekend thinking of coarse that I have everything under control. But now I’ve come to a point in my life where I don’t want to be dependent on anything to live. I want to be clean of everything but I have no idea how to withdraw from the Sub’s. I’ve thought about reducing my dosage slowly day by day until I no longer need them anymore but I was informed that that will not be as easy it sounds. If there is anyone who can give me any information on how to help me with this problem of mine I would appreciate it greatly. I’ve been thinking about the kind of person I thought I would be at my age and I’m no where near it and almost at the point of being disgusted with myself but I know I’m strong enough to get threw this, I just need a little guidance. Thank you to all the open ears and open minds. I hope all of you do well. I was talking to a recovered addict once, feeling low, and asked him if I’m a bad person because of all the pain and suffering I’m putting the people I care about threw. And he told me “Not all addict’s are bad people. They’ve just lost sight of the good person within them, and that’s why they feel they have no worth.” BE STRONG AND STAY STRONG. ALL OF YOU, GOD BLESS.
Hi Alexander
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It means a lot to others out there to see that someone else is in a similar situation.
I just wanted to point out something from an outsider’s perspective. You said that you don’t want to be reliant on any type of drug and that is very understandable. But my question is if you can’t stay away from the Oxy’s while ON Suboxone…what’s going to happen when you come off? Have you thought about ways that you will make your recovery stronger? Going to meetings, going to counseling…stuff like that?
I am all for people getting of Suboxone but it needs to be done when the person is ready to live life without any drugs in their system at all. Do you truly feel that you are ready for that? (Don’t take this as me knowing the answer…I’m really asking you.)
A VOICE FROM THE WILDERNESS
Andrew D. Bennett, CADC II
Contemporary cosmologists feel free to say anything that pops into their heads. Unhappy examples are everywhere: absurd schemes to model time on the basis of the complex numbers, as in Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time; bizarre and ugly contraptions for cosmic inflation; universes multiplying beyond the reach of observation; white holes, black holes, worm holes, and naked singularities; theories of every stripe and variety, all of them uncorrected by any criticism beyond the trivial.
- Source: Abridged from David Berlinski, “Was There a Big Bang?†Commentary 105.2 (February 1998).
The chemical dependency treatment field is experiencing significant changes in the service of “new technologies.†We seem to have been swept away by these changes within a professional atmosphere characterized by compliance, lacking sufficient critical review.
We are currently moving to a Medical Model emphasizing a psychiatric orientation embracing dual diagnosis and bio-pharmacological interventions. The primary disease concept and the drug-free model are clearly challenged. They need to be defended.
In 1961 it was thought that alcoholics drink over underlying emotional problems and a Valium deficiency. In 2009, alcoholics and drug addicts drink and use over underlying emotional problems and a serotonin deficiency. Legions of psycho pharmacologists are pumping out new and improved nutritional, anti-depressant, anti-craving synaptic rejuvenator pills that Dorothy is eating. Dorothy is told, on the one hand, that she is powerless over alcohol and other drugs. At the same time, she is prescribed pills designed to somehow make her feel less powerless. It’s time to take a good look at how we’ve been doing business and what it is we’re selling. It’s time that CD treatment providers joined the ranks of all the other social sciences in the application of critical peer review to our work. .
The writer has no problem with competing clinical approaches to CD treatment that do not claim or pretend to fit into a 12-step context, however, if there is such a thing as a 12-step treatment model that is worth preserving, boundaries need to be put around it.
Antidepressant medication, nutritional supplements, and opiate antagonists/agonists are promoted to allay craving and other dysphonic feelings following classical detoxification. They are used, in theory, to help restore depleted neurotransmitter substances following chronic substance abuse. Agents of this kind are supposed to help restore neurological integrity at the synapse.
The short-term efficacy of this class of psychopharmacological intervention has been met with mixed reviews. More importantly, problems of experimental research design are noted.1 No amount of placebo-controlled, double blind methodological safeguards can make up for short term studies limited to a statistically compromised number of experimental subjects who are willing to be experimented upon with substances within treatment facilities willing to conduct patient drug therapy experiments. One cannot make any scientifically coherent statements about long-term efficacy applied to C.D. patients based upon a combination of methodological compromises characterized by current anti-craving medication studies. My Bachelor of Science degree tells me that these kind of trails cannot clarify whether or not offering drug addicts and alcoholics mood altering substances is generally a good thing. In an article appearing in the 8-20-03 edition of JAMA, Als-Nielsen et al support a growing body of evidence suggesting that for profit funding of experimental drug trails are significantly more likely to recommend experimental drugs than not for profit funding2.More recently, in the March/April, 07’ edition of Addiction Professional, Stuart Gitlow,MD, and Mark Gold,MD offer an enlightening review of the methodological shortcomings characteristic of current chemical dependency drug trails. Despite all of these factors, there are few, if any, long-term patient outcome studies demonstrating the efficacy of anti-craving agents. Arriving at other conclusions based on this kind of research requires a cheapening of the scientific method.
The research fails to differentiate functional or reactive dysphoria from organic or endogenous dysphoria. Patients who all of a sudden find themselves squeaky clean following a protracted chemically induced post-traumatic stress disorder will naturally be a little fuzzy around the edges, especially after looking at the mess they made. This kind of dysphoria is very different from the protracted organic dysphoria thought to occur as a symptom of chronic chemical thrashing and assault at the synaptic level. Psychogenic dysphoria is always expressed neurologically as well, altering neurotransmitter levels. The research fails to tease one out from the other. Is “craving,†following detoxification, essentially psychogenic, driven by euphoric recall (functional) or organic? My unscientific opinion, drawn from routine clinical observation, tells me psychogenic. CD patients should not be medicated for functional reasons. This is fundamental
A wide variety of anti-depressant and mood stabilizing drugs billed as non-addictive are frequently prescribed for chemically dependent patients. It would seem, on the face of it, even to a layman, that using mood-altering drugs to help addicts recover is questionable. Stung out cocaine addicts have been known to snort “non-addictive†white battery acid residue found on top of car batteries. What may be non-addictive for a normie may act very differently when processed through a well-entrenched substance dependent mind set of recovering people. Chemically dependent patients, in fact, frequently abuse these kind of substances before returning to drugs of choice.12-step Recovery fundamentally suggests that the patient is responsible for dealing with their feelings. Chemically dependent people have problems with mood altering substances. Certainly the conservative and judicious uses of psychotropic medication when applied to those patients presenting a genuine dual diagnosis have played a critical role in continued recovery. Prescriptions of this kind however, always carry with them a dangerous and very powerful message that somehow the patient is neurologically, or organically, or pharmacologically, or constitutionally compromised in tolerating their feelings and for this reason they will benefit from continuing to use “different†drugs. Before prescribing psychotropic medication, the clinician needs to decide if this is really true before advising the patient to go out on that kind of a limb.
Some researchers point to longer treatment retention for patients who are prescribed antidepressant and/or anti-craving medication. It is not surprising that a drug-addicted patient, having a great investment in pharmacology, may hold out longer when offered anti-craving substances within facilities that invite patients to use anti-craving substances. A subjective decrease in drug hunger will act to improve short-term patient resolve. Researchers point to a reduced AMA rate for patients who are prescribed antidepressant/anti-craving medication. If some patients were given methamphetamine they would stay in treatment even longer.
It has been said that in some ways, 12-step programs are against human nature. Willingness to work a 12-step program requires an enormous motivational force. The patient must accept “being whippedâ€. For this reason The Big Book makes reference to “incomprehensible demoralizationâ€. The use of anti-craving agents is most likely to fortify the patients’ normal resistance to 12-step programs. In this way, higher short-term abstinence rates may contribute, paradoxically, to lower long-term rates of recovery.
Physician colleagues point out that chemical dependency counselors are not qualified to fully understand the therapeutic effects of psychotropic drugs. This is true. Chemical Dependency counselors are, however, experts on how they can hurt people. Powerlessness and craving are precisely what drives people into 12-step programs, in this way, the most dangerous thing about anti-craving agents are if they work as intended.
Methadone and other drug maintenance protocols have earned their place in the sun. Although the writer isn’t qualified to comment on the efficacy of these regimes, I believe they cut down on drug related crime. Chemical Dependency treatment however, used to be about helping patients to recover from Chemical Dependency. Since the advent of Suboxone, Ricette Benchkser pharmaceuticals want Chemical Dependency Recovery service providers to adopt the Orwellian position of helping chemically dependent patients to successfully remain chemically dependent longer. Ricette Benchkser then suggest that Suboxone patients can somehow conform to 12-step principals where they are advised that they are powerless over alcohol and other drugs. Step 1 makes no qualifications concerning the contrary opinions and the advice of the pharmaceutical companies and the physicians who provided the substances required to cause the problem in the first place.
Extended Suboxone ambulatory detox is really less like detox and more like “trying to cut downâ€. “I’ll quit tomorrowâ€. CD patients have already tried that one before arriving at the treatment center.
The inclusion of Suboxone maintained patients within a 12-step abstinence based treatment model will fundamentally compromise the integrity of the peer group by undercutting the common task of adjusting to becoming clean. The alcoholic, cocaine, benzodiazepine and methamphetamine peer group members are left to wonder why their Opioid dependent peers are encouraged to remain on their drug of choice, antagonist properties notwithstanding. An Opiod followed by some kind of Naltarxone chaser? “Methadone with a shoe shine�
The Medical Model appropriately charges the technologist with providing treatment for the patient. Recovery services however, are often more spiritual and less technological in nature. 12-step Chemical dependency counseling also involves a greater emphasis on peer support, patient compliance and responsibility. A Medical Model philosophy for a cancer patient can have an enabling effect when applied to an alcoholic.
Alcoholism and chemical dependency have been described as baffling, cunning, and powerful. While undoubtedly driven by psychosocial forces, chemical dependency is essentially biogenic in nature. Being among the most complex of diseases, the debate concerning its etiology and treatment rages on. Recovery, however, carries with it a spiritual component that has proven itself to respond favorably to a “moral psychology,†as proposed in the Big Book by William D. Silkworth, M.D. Discussions about clinical theory and treatment protocol are crucial. They define what we do as professionals. They help us to describe and to improve upon our skills. Discussions of this kind however, continually remind me to recognize the limitations of technological solutions for spiritual problems.
1. Psychological addiction is the crux of Chemical Dependency.
2. Psychological addiction is driven by Euphoric Recall.
3. Anti-craving agents fail to diminish Euphoric Recall.
4. Anti-craving agents continue Chemical Dependency.
Q.E.D.
1 Stuart Gitlow MD, Mark Gold,MD The Inadequacies of the Evidence. Addiction Professional, March/April, 2007, pg. 17-25.
2 Als-Nielsen, W. Owen,C Glud, L Kjaergard, Association of and Conclusions in Randomized Drug Trails: A Reflection of Treatment Effect or Adverse Effects? JAMA, 2003; 290: 921-928, 8-03.
oh ANDY! It is a bit hard to keep in touch and EXPRESS my SINCERE GRATITUDE for you helping SAVE MY LIFE, some 26 or 27 YEARS AGO in San Diego.
deanO here, although I was a bit more, shall we say….wound tight, when Dr Adler introduced us.
You have to be the same guy, the only one I knew at the time riding a ducati, or was that a moto guzzi (sorry for the insult…riders tend to be loyal).
I’ve searched fairly high and low from you over the years, but have always come up blank until now. We stumbled upon an envelope from you sent from the facility in eastern san diego county (trying to protect your privacy) and thought this may help me move one step closer to finding you.
Fortunate to have I think 26.25 years clean from the white junk that took me down, and edging up on 25 years from all mind altering chemicals (except espresso & lattes); you may recall the great idea to have a little wine the night of my engagement…lucky that stopped short of a glass.
I cannot thank you enough for sticking to your principles and always fighting to do what was best for the patient, even if that meant booting them out on the street for a little deeper bottom, than being kept around doing 1/2 measures at best so insurance could be billed the full pop.
We love and miss you my friend.
deanO
We still live in the same area of town and I’d love to hear from you & swap stories…we now have a couple teenagers, lab, 2 cats, i think 6 surfboards, plus daughter has 2.
I’ll see if I can track you down.
so i am coming off my 7th day of suboxone and yeah its pretty bad… but think if my doctor told me it was gonna be 5 days of hell i prob wouldnt have even attempted it.. the first two days were easy considdering the long half life. i had 8 out of ten possible side effects. you know them all but the restless leg was the worst. i have some pretty good remedies you can use. immodium for diarreah, asprin for restless legs(trust me it works wonders) zanex for anxiety, ambien for sleep, pepto for upset stomach.
the insomnia starts on day 3 and i was up all night and the runs on day 4… day 5 wasnt so bad and day 6 is smooth sailin.. seriiously people need to look at this as a good thing i am finally free and feeling great.. whats 5 days of suffering compared to years of addiction
also you should know i am in top physical condition.. in drank plenty of water and took liver cleansers.. by day 4 i gabbed my i pod and went for a walk.. get some kind of excersise, it made me feel alot better
well i hope this helps someone… good luck
hi,
thank you for doing the blog. I’m a mom of a longtime heroin addict who’s done hard time, come home only to relapse right away after 2 yrs away. He’s done suboxone in the past, but the doc kept promoting getting off it soon, too soon actually, and he ended up relapsing. My son (he’s 25) has talked about the suboxone again recently (he’s in a detox now) so I’m glad to have some info from a former user.
Hey, you’ve got posted such a informative write-up that it’s going to absolutely support me.
Hey Dean -
God bless you. email me.
Bennett