Thanksgiving is fast approaching so I began thinking about what this holiday means to me. It seems this year has brought me a completely different view of Thanksgiving due to the fact that I’m in addiction recovery.
I was trying to think of what my Thanksgiving was like last year but to be honest, I can’t specifically recall it. I was still in active addiction as well as being on Cymbalta for “depression” so it appears that last year’s Thanksgiving made absolutely no impression on me.
I guess that’s why this holiday season, as Thanksgiving arrives, I am pretty shocked at the effect that it is having on my emotions.
There was a time, pretty much every time other than this year, when I felt that Thanksgiving was a burden. What is the point of this holiday? How am I going to “keep it together” in front of my family? Will people think it’s weird that I’m already effed up? These are just a few of the thoughts that used to pop in my head.
This year is different. I can already feel that. Intellectually, I knew that this year would be different. This is the first major Holiday that I’ve had during my addiction recovery. But now that I’m actually feeling the difference…it kind of shocks me.
There are a few major things that I’m thankful for this year. I just wanted to take the time to write them out and if you read them and they strike a chord with you…that’s great.
- I’m thankful that I hit my rock bottom
- I’m thankful that I have a husband who was willing to forgive all of my lying and drug use and who stuck with me throughout my early recovery even though he had every reason in the world to leave
- I’m thankful for my parents love and support in every aspect of my life
- I’m thankful that I’ve gotten a taste of spirituality which has left me hungry for more
- I’m thankful that I got the courage to try living life without the help of any mood altering substances including Cymbalta
- I’m thankful for my son. There is no love that is more unconditional than a child’s for his mother. It makes me want to be a better person
- I’m thankful that I am allowing myself to feel emotions again. Even feeling painful emotions are better than feeling numb on the inside
- I’m thankful to have the memory of my mother telling me in rehab that she was proud of me
- I’m thankful to be able to laugh again
- I’m thankful for everyone who takes the time to read what I’m trying to share
Just like an award acceptance speech I must add that if I forgot anything or anyone..I apologize.