Archives For addictive thinking

So, you know THOSE type of days. Everything that could go wrong does go wrong down to the tiny things like driving away from the drive through to realize that they gave you a flavored iced coffee instead of the coffee flavored iced coffee that you wanted and needed…desperately.

So on a day when all those little things combined with a few big things start to pile up, how do you get through? That is, how do you get through with out the old standby solution of smoking or drinking or snorting your troubles away…for a little while. Continue Reading…

I was thinking about the part of the serenity prayer that says “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”.

Now, I’m not going to try and fool you into thinking that I go to NA/AA meetings all the time by talking the talk.

But, I do want to point out that there are a lot of things that I took away from my time in NA/AA that I find useful in my everyday life.

One of the things that I feel that I’ve struggled with has been the whole accepting the things I cannot change. Rationally I know the importance of this acceptance but I have struggled to take that rational thought and put it to use in my life.

That was until I heard myself telling my son “you do what you can, the very best that you can, and that is all you can do”. Boom! How simple. But could it truly be that simple to accept the things I cannot change?

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This is going to sound bizarre but I realized that watching TV has taught me how to delay instant gratification.

In a world where everything is available NOW, it’s no wonder that we grow to expect things right now. That includes our gratification.

What I realized this morning while I was thinking about my absolute most favorite show of all time, Lost, is that even the way I watch TV has changed since entering addiction recovery. So let me tell you how TV has taught me to delay instant gratification. Continue Reading…

If you are familiar with addiction recovery, you know that living life one day at a time is a major part of a successful recovery.

I’m here to say that in order to be happy, healthy, and have a little peace of mind in life you need to not only live one day at a time…you need to begin being present. Learn to stay in the moment. Continue Reading…

Have you ever caught yourself judging people that you are seeing for the first time, say in a crowd. While you are people watching you are actually projecting yourself, good or bad, onto others. When you have doubts about yourself or things that you don’t like about yourself…you see the same in others. This is because the doubts in yourself are actually based upon guilt and projection is a way for your ego to cast your guilt onto others. Continue Reading…

I’m sitting here thinking: what happened to the girl that would sit in a room full of strangers and talk about her problems and inner thoughts? Even as uncomfortable as it would feel sometimes, I would be completely honest about what was going on inside of me with strangers. So why am I finding it harder and harder to talk to anyone these days?

Hmmmmm. Secrets, secrets, secrets… they do a number on you. Not too long ago I wrote a post about how we are only as sick as our secrets. In that post I talked about how fucked up my family was with all their secrets and how I wasn’t going along with that anymore. So what happened? Continue Reading…

In Addiction Recovery we must learn to get rid of the addictive thinking which tells us that instant gratification is the only kind of gratification we want or need. Have you ever heard of the saying “Time takes time”?
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You know how you file each blog post under a category? Well I was going to post something and thought that I would make a category named “personal”.

Ooh, a personal category. That’s where I could put all the stories about my life. Wait a minute…isn’t this whole site about my life? It’s personal really. Wouldn’t I therefore have to put everything I wrote under personal?

I guess I’ll skip that category. But this did bring up a nice reminder that I would like to share with you. Everything that I’m writing about on this site really is my life. I’m no fortune teller…we’re just all in the same boat.

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Gotta Stay Honest

April 25, 2010 — 2 Comments

I have a tendency to want tell people what they want to hear. Not only will I just tell someone what they want to hear but I’ll go so far as to cover up my true feelings in order to feel the way someone else wants me to feel. What the hell is that?

I don’t know when I started doing this or why I started doing this but I do know that I’m going to STOP doing this. It’s making me pretty miserable. And for what? Why would I choose to do this to myself? I have no answer to that.

I think a lot of people try to keep things on an even keel in their life. That could be where this whole thing originated in myself. I felt like I had fucked up so many things for so many people for so long that I just try to make everyone happy now. It’s sounds pretty ridiculous when I see it written down.

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You know the saying “Don’t judge your insides based on someone else’s outside”? Basically meaning don’t get down on yourself because you don’t measure up to what you PERCEIVE someone else’s life to be based on appearances. Why do I find myself doing that?
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