Are You Still Keeping Secrets In Your Recovery? « What Winners Do

Are You Still Keeping Secrets In Your Recovery?

Posted on June 4, 2010

"They Say" that a huge part of addiction recovery is un-burdening yourself of all those "secrets" that you keep inside because of the fear of judgment. I guess this goes along with Step 5 of the 12 Steps. You admit to your higher power, yourself, and another human being the exact nature of your wrongs.

The purpose of this step is supposed to be about openly acknowledging the positive while committing to work at rectifying your negatives. I do understand the purpose of it, I guess I'm just NO WHERE near being ready for this type of outward honesty. I'm not saying I'll never be there, just not right now.

It seems that I'm not alone in my unwillingness to admit my secrets to another human beings. I have found some sites recently who's main purpose is to let people anonymously admit their secrets...both good and bad.

I had never heard of these types of sites before until I had read a post on another blogger's site about confessing our secrets. It was in this post that the website Post Secrets was mentioned.

It didn't take long for me to be in tears while checking out some of the anonymous secrets that are posted on this site. I felt so horrible for some of these people, they have been carrying around these secrets for so long. They obviously needed to unburden themselves or they wouldn't thought it necessary to anonymously share their secrets on this site.

Then it dawned on me...I'm not sitting here judging these people for what they are sharing. I'm empathizing with them and identifying with them. Feeling bad for them that they found no means of unburdening themselves other than leaving an anonymous secret on a website.

So why is it that I feel that I would be judged harshly? Why do I feel like there are things that I've done that I could never say out loud to another human being? I'm not talking serial murder here, I'm talking just normal human being type actions that result from low self-esteem and possibly addictive thinking.

I don't have an explanation for this. I have no trouble admitting to myself my wrong doings. I also have no problem thinking about these things and trying to figure out what caused these actions. I know that it's not just the result of being a bad person.

I guess I'm looking for some feedback on this topic. Are there those people out there that don't feel like they have gotten to the point of being able to bare their sole to another human being yet? Am I holding my self back in terms of my recovery because I can't do this? Should I just wait until I feel ready? Will I ever feel ready?

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stayathomemotherdom
November 8th, 2007 - 22:47

I hope you consider finding a person to do a fifth step with. It really will free you in ways you cannot even fathom.

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stayathomemotherdom
November 8th, 2007 - 22:47

Oh, and, seriously, we all have “terrible” secrets…but it is so freeing to let them go

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Namenlosen Trinker
November 26th, 2007 - 18:02

Jen, is right; listen to her. I know people who have traveled hundreds of miles to monasteries or nunneries just to find people whom they’ll never have to face again. Maybe that’s a route you can take. There are HUGE advantages to taking a 5th Step with your sponsor, but you can always re-do it if you decide to. My secrets were going to the grave with me, but now I can share them with anybody for whom it will be helpful to hear them. And I’m by no means unique. Lots of folks in A.A. will say the same thing. Are you really so different from the rest of us?

Lots o love,
Trinker

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Greg from Oz
November 6th, 2009 - 03:35

Hi

12 step programs are not for everyone, You also admitted something very important – unless I misread it, you have not harmed anyone else? Why go around and say sorry to people who are so self obsessed that can’t even remember that (probably needs a BIT of qualification with nervous families who don’t understand – say sorry to them and, USUALLY, they’ll love ya’ forever!). I have serious problems with this higher power junk – existentially you are saying you have lost the power to control it, not that the great Ju Ju monster can help. Also – look at most pamphlets – there it is – a coffee pot – a drug!. They need to get real, Caffeine at the wrong time and wrong dose can do enormous harm. We no longer live in the 30′s.

You maybe feel guilty (guess work) because the drugs are depressants and, I hate to say it, maybe you are self obsessing a bit? Forget it. Everyone (well, nearly everyone) self medicates, so what? It’s only when it’s OVER self medication it becomes a problem. Once again, I am guessing but 12 steppy things don’t sound good for you – you’ll feel so bad you will go back to you habits that pissed you off (and probably no one else). Admit it to yourself, stay away from Doctors unless you somehow have an exe in your head (if you get what I mean – most don’t have a clue re D&A but wear suits, say serious things like “I’d like you try this – try it and have a doped out holiday in bed for 2 days!!!!!). Then 15% of them go home and hoe into the peth. You think you are worse than anyone else – I have done some shocking things (I thought) but they were minor (well, unless you really are a serial killer). I’m not knocking AA, NA – for some people they work well and at the least they are great social networking places – don’t know much about GA but if I was in that predicament I’d be looking to anywhere!!!!!!!! (a gambling addiction must be appalling – they really do have my sympathy) – I think SA is a joke but who knows. I don’t. DO NOT BE HARD on yourself – your letter indicates you may be self aware – just the time to give yourself a chemical pat on the back! Maybe think long and hard about how to celebrate where you are – apart from chemicals, what else do you like to do?

And yes, I do work in the health system and if you need assistance with the real baddies (meth, codiene believe it or not although will say Oh NO!). You are going great, keep it up and don’t feel obliged to go and say sorry to everyone. How many times have people pissed YOU off and how many times have they said sorry and how do you feel about it now? See the point (hope there is one!). We all have negatives and postives – that’s life and it is short – who wants to waste it apologising (unless..serial..etc)? New start. Forget the meetings unless you like the friendship – maybe they ain’t for you. Maybe they are, but have a go at skipping them in the short term. You may find, outside of professional circles, you can tell people anything and they will tell you something even worse. Going to Monasteries to avoid the fifth step indicates to me it is flawed for some people. Try philosophy. Don’t try the endless circle.

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matilda
June 18th, 2010 - 00:11

I am somebody’s mother and no matter what they did, I love them and just want them to stop doing the wrong things and wipe themselves off and start doing the right things. And, each time they blow it, they pick them selves up and start doing the right things again, hopefully for a little longer period, minute by minute, day by day. It is the not getting up and just getting worse that is killing everyone who cares. And someone cares, no matter what. Thank you for your blog. I care.

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sovi
July 2nd, 2010 - 09:40

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August 29th, 2010 - 04:27

Cool about the eBook coming down the pike. That sounds exciting.

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