What Winners Do - An Addiction Recovery Blog » addiction story

Twenty-four Hours A Day

Erin — Sat, 15 May 2010 21:54:51 +0000

I already explained a little bit in my story that after I was released from my in-patient stay in a lock down psychiatric ward to detox, I attended an out-patient program. The out-patient program taught me one of the fundamentals of addiction recovery...stay in the day.

One of the best things that I learned in this out-patient rehabilitation program was what the saying "One day at a time" means. I went in there thinking that all those little catch phrases that people in recovery used kind of made me sick and I thought they were pretty corny (I still find having a bumper sticker on your car with any of self help saying it pretty lame). That was until I learned the true meaning behind some of them.

Living life one day at a time seems like a pretty obvious idea. What I soon realized was that I wasn't living that way. I worried about stuff in the future, stuff I could not do anything about today. It was explained to me that not only is this saying giving you advice about fighting off cravings and just trying to stay sober for the day but also to really make the most of your day. It has a lot to do with not procrastinating and dealing with things as they come up.

When I "graduated" my drug class they had a token ceremony for me. This consisted of me choosing a token out of three tokens with different sayings on each and then explaining why I chose the one I did and what it meant to me. There was one particular token that just stood out to me. One side had a picture of a sun with the saying below it "Twenty-four Hours A Day" and the other side had the saying:

"Today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope"

I quickly chose that token. My explanation came so easy to me. I told everyone that this token spoke to me. The idea that if I truly do what I am supposed to do each and every day I won't have many regrets, I won't have anything looming over my head that I didn't deal with when I should have and I will know that I am being the best person that I can. This is my goal in life.

A Recovering Addict Watching An Active Addict… It’s Torture

Erin — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 06:57:25 +0000

When we were in active addiction we couldn't see ourselves for what we were until the very end when we finally surrendered and asked for help.

No matter what others would tell us about how we looked or acted we somehow rationalized it as them having a problem... not us.

Having an active addict in your family forces you to look close up at addiction but through an outside view. For this recovering addict, watching an active addict is torture.

In the past I have talked about how my brother is an addict and how horrible it was to watch. Then I talked about my brother finally giving in and seeking help and how much of a relief that was. Now here I am unfortunately talking about how my brother has let himself slip back to his old addictive ways (although he won't admit it to anyone yet.)

You would think that the fact that I'm a recovering addict would make it easier for me to understand a fellow addict slipping back into active addiction... WRONG. I guess it makes me less understanding because I know that it doesn't have to be that way.

I see him trying to hide this and that from everyone. I see him lying, skimming money, avoiding eye contact and basically becoming a dickhead who I want to kick the shit out of (a little pent up anger or what?). But what jumps into my mind every time that I look at him is that I'm looking at someone that gave in and took that first pill.

I understand that once that is done, there is pretty much no controlling yourself. I understand that better than most. But what I can't understand is why you would do it that first time. You know where it is going to end up... you've been there before. Do you think somehow this will end differently than in the past?

Seeing where he has led himself has cemented the fact in my mind that I will never put myself in that situation again. I will not allow my addiction to trick me into thinking I can just do it once. I can't. At least I have gotten that much out of this situation right?

Amy Winehouse At The Grammys

Erin — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 14:57:23 +0000

Amy Winehouse performed at the Grammys via satellite from London last night in her first televised performance since entering into rehab last month.

"Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know". I guess those Amy Winehouse lyrics from her song Rehab still ring true...even if she did end up saying yes to rehab.

I was honestly nervous for Amy Winehouse last night. She ended up doing an excellent job at the Grammys because she is truly a performer at heart.

I was reading an Amy Winehouse article in NME which was an interview with one of her back up singers. In this interview Ade Omotayo was explaining that Amy Winehouse has been much more healthy and happy after coming out of rehab.

In this interview Ade Omotayo went on to explain that while they were in the studio waiting for Amy's satellite performance there was tons of drinks and champagne going around. According to Ade Omotayo, Amy went upstairs to play pool until it was time for her to go on.

This exact situation goes to show just how difficult it is for someone in the entertainment business to stay on track with their sobriety. Sure, Amy removed herself from the situation of being surrounded by alcohol and that is a very good sign but what if she is not always able to do this.

I know for myself, it took a long time before I felt comfortable being around people who were drinking and what not. To be forced into those situations because of my profession...I don't know how that would have turned out for me.

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Congratulations to Amy Winehouse on her performance and also her spectacular Grammy wins.