What Winners Do – An Addiction Recovery Blog Stories, Struggles And Success of A Recovering Addict Trying to Do What Winners Do

Who Do Feelings Still Scare The Shit Out Of Me?

It's been just about two years clean for me and still I struggle with feelings and emotions. I often wonder what I'm doing wrong. Why do feelings still bother me so much? Why do I tend to keep things in even though I KNOW that it's harmful to me? What the fuck am I so afraid of?

I think there was a time early on in my recovery when I just let everything fly. If I was feeling something I acknowledged it, found some way of getting it out... and I moved on. What happened? Something must have happened along the way to get me back into the mindset that I need to be keeping my feelings and emotions inside and not letting anyone know I'm bothered. I didn't see this happening.

A Touch Of The Sniffles, Get Me Some NyQuil

I abused over the counter drugs for many years. I used situations where I was "sick" to sleep days at a time away with the help of OTC drugs like NyQuil. Since I am no longer practicing this destructive behavior the question is now presented to me: I have a cold, what do I do?

Addictive Thinking: The “Normals”, The Idiots, And The Addicts

I was taking a look online for some addiction related videos and found a series of addiction related videos of Dr. Robert Lefever. In this series he tackles a lot of the main topics of addiction and addiction recovery in a way that can make sense to anyone. One of the videos that I found interesting is called Recovery 7: What Makes An Addict. Here he explains the difference between these people...are you normal, an idiot, or an addict?

Problem Solving In Addiction Recovery

I think it's important to keep focus in addiction recovery. Focus on the big picture. I think that problem solving in addiction recovery is a huge part of keeping that focus.

I find it very easy to lose myself in the details. I can tend to ignore some of the lessons that were so hard learned in my early recovery. There are a few key areas that I have lost focus on lately. With the help of my problem solving skills I am hoping to regain my focus.

What a Cliche… Lonely on Valentine’s Day

Separated from my husband and without my kid on the weekends can leave me with a lot of down time. I try and fill that time with something constructive like working. But this weekend I find myself with nothing but time.

Throw in the fact that yesterday was Valentine's Day and that everyone I usually hang with has someone that they wanted to spend that Valentine's Day with... I was feeling a little lonely.

Well if you're feeling lonely you reach out to people right? Try to make connections? Well, I still have that little voice inside of me that tells me to do exactly the opposite. Hide, don't let anyone know how you're feeling, suck it up. Why do I do that?

Addictive Behavior: Procrastination

I procrastinate. There, I figured I would go ahead and say that right away before I put it off. Procrastination is a character flaw that I share with many other recovering addicts. Why do we procrastinate? Well it's certainly not because it feels good.

Gotta Stay Honest

I have a tendency to want tell people what they want to hear. Not only will I just tell someone what they want to hear but I'll go so far as to cover up my true feelings in order to feel the way someone else wants me to feel. What the hell is that?

I don't know when I started doing this or why I started doing this but I do know that I'm going to STOP doing this. It's making me pretty miserable. And for what? Why would I choose to do this to myself? I have no answer to that.

I think a lot of people try to keep things on an even keel in their life. That could be where this whole thing originated in myself. I felt like I had fucked up so many things for so many people for so long that I just try to make everyone happy now. It's sounds pretty ridiculous when I see it written down.