What Winners Do - An Addiction Recovery Blog » relapse prevention

Relapse Prevention: You Can Change Your Friends But What About Family?

Erin — Sun, 23 May 2010 00:14:42 +0000

Every person in addiction recovery has changed their socializing situations in order to avoid the dreaded relapse. We are told that certain people and certain situations can be triggers. What do we do when some of our triggers are also family members?

I have dealt with this situation first hand. I have a brother that I hung out with a lot while drinking and drugging. We are pretty close and have a great time together. I had to be honest with myself though. I knew that if I continued to hang out with him in the same situations in which I did before, I would be back to my shenanigans before I knew it.

So did I just cut all ties with my brother? No, that wasn't necessary. After all, he is my brother first and my drinking partner second. What I had to do was change the situations in which I was around him. Instead of us hanging out on a Friday night having a few beers, I choose to hang out with him say on a Sunday afternoon. We watch TV and just shoot the shit.

Now is this just as exciting as going out and having some beers? Well, no...I won't lie. But I do still have a good time none the less. It's really shocking to me when I start to realize that I can have fun with people without being wrecked. It happens all the time now. I like it much better because I don't wake up the next morning thinking of all the stupid things that I said the night before and feeling embarrassed.

Don't get me wrong. When I go to a family gathering or something like that where normally I would consume alcohol I still get an itch to do so. It just helps that I have a lot of support from my family. I wonder if triggers ever go away or if you just learn to deal with them better as you go?

I remember talking about Easter and how I was kind of nervous to be going to a family function without having a few primer drinks "to being out my personality". It's amazing to me how in just a short period of time I feel so much more confident about my clean self. I don't need any kind of substance to bring out my personality.

So although you most likely don't want to cut your family out of your life in order to stay sober you do need to change your interactions with anyone in your family whom you consider to be a trigger for you. Relapse prevention is an ongoing fight in addiction recovery. Do what needs to be done to keep yourself moving forward.

Relapse Prevention: Having One Of Those Days

Erin — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 13:13:53 +0000

Sometimes I don't realize how happy my life has become until I have one of those days. You know, the ones where everything seems unbearable. You are feeling not so enthused about life in general and you wonder why you bother to fight the good fight.

So how does feeling like this make me realize the importance of relapse prevention? Well, there have been times in the past when even though I realized I was feeling shitty...I said nothing and stuffed those feelings away somewhere deep inside of me. What followed? Relapse.

I made a promise to myself to learn from my past relapse. I vowed to pay close attention to my personal relapse warning signs. So as I was sitting here, hating the day, an alarm went off in my head. Don't keep these feelings in, don't try to seem perfect on the outside, it's ok to feel bad.

So here I am expressing my feelings for anyone and everyone to read. As fellow addicts and alcoholics you know how difficult this can be. I guess I'm always trying to find the best outlet to express my feelings and today this is it for me. There are just some things that my husband won't understand...as much as he wants too. Having a real shitty day for pretty much no reason at all and having to drill it in my head that even though I feel bad I don't need to use is one of those things that just isn't easily understood by a non-addict.

Even now I can hear him saying "I just don't get it, you know what would happen if you take drugs, why would you even think about it?". Because I'm an addict...it's what we do. What I can feel some comfort in is the fact that even though the thought has popped in my head periodically today that I would love to just buzz out, I know that I wouldn't REALLY love it and it would just make everything go to shit.

I'm able to avoid relapse this time. I guess maybe I did learn a little something from last time. In the past I had talked about HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired and how taking care of these basic human needs is a big part of relapse prevention.

I know two of those needs that are not met in myself today. I'm definitely tired, had 4 hours sleep last night (I usually require at least 8). When I get tired I get hypersensitive which leads to more fights with my husband and having a short temper with my child. Those things then lead to me feeling bad about myself and my life. I'm also dieting so I'm ALWAYS hungry. It's more a mental thing than a physical thing but still I know it is having some effect on me.

I'll let you in on a little something...I am feeling somewhat better now that I have gotten some stuff off my chest. Sure I'm not skipping around whistling a tune but to truly take a look at what is making me upset somehow just makes it feel better. I'm also feeling pretty proud of myself for fighting off that old addictive thinking that wanted to creep it's way back into my junky brain.

It's still early afternoon in this crappy day...but tomorrow is a new day. If I can keep that in mind and just get through today I could possibly wake up in a good mood tomorrow!

Addiction Recovery: Checks and Balances

Erin — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 17:59:06 +0000

In addiction recovery it is very important to routinely take inventory of yourself. Kind of a checks and balances type thing for your thinking and behavior.

Why is this so important? Well by now we have learned that no one is perfect. We don't lead perfectly structured lives all the time. Sometimes we let things slip. Sometimes we make errors and sometimes we just flat out drop the ball. That's why check and balances in addiction recovery are so important.

The easiest way to keep yourself in check is to routinely take an honest look at yourself. An HONEST look at yourself. There is no point in trying to put a positive spin on negative behavior right? You are the only loser in that game.

It can be as simple as answering a few questions as honestly as possible or just kind of recapitulating your last week and seeing what you think you should be doing differently.

Is this a way of punishing yourself for making errors in judgment? NO WAY. This is a way of curbing bad behaviors before they become the rule instead of the exception.

Am I surrounding myself with positive people like I should be? Am I facing problems head on like I promised myself? Am I truly living in the day instead of fixating on the past and dreading the future? Am I actively pursuing my spirituality? Am I focusing on positive thinking?

By answering some of these questions on a regular basis I am able to see what areas of my recovery and my life need some extra attention.

For myself, this is the best way I know how to keep myself in check and make sure that I'm not heading down the road to relapse. As we have discovered by now... relapse happens way before we take that first drink, etc.

HALT: Hungry Angry Lonely Tired

Erin — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:47:03 +0000

Those in addiction recovery learn that taking care of your basic needs will aid in relapse prevention. There is even a catchy acronym for it. H.A.L.T. - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Paying attention to these simple needs is a great start in recovery.

Does it end with these needs? No, but just the fact that we are able to identify these basic needs is a step in the right direction. Just think about the days when you were actively using drugs or alcohol, you didn't try and meet any of these basic needs. I know I didn't. What you probably tried to do was avoid any of these needs with drugs or alcohol.

When I was using Oxycontin I completely ignored the fact that it is normal to eat meals throughout the day. What I would do is stock up on Balance Bars. I would eat 3 bars per day and to me, this was perfectly normal. I was too "busy" to eat an actual meal. I had all those daily chores to complete. You know, getting out of bed, worrying about getting high, then laying around feeling sorry for myself. I couldn't possibly have fit nutrition into the mix.

Let's just say I don't have that problem anymore. I actually like cooking meals for my family and sitting down and eating with them. It is something that I completely forgot I enjoyed doing. I just assumed I hated it. After all, it does take energy to plan and cook meals. Why in the world would I like something where I actually exerted a little energy? Because it makes me feel better about myself.

Just like many people who take mood altering substances I did not get angry when I was actively using. If I felt the slightest twinge of anger coming on I would immediately get nervous and would take some drug to "calm me down". I was always known for my laid back attitude and my ability to deal with a lot of shit from people without blowing up. Perfect right?

Not so much. It is normal to feel angry when something pisses you off. The thing that I have to remember is just because I'm feeling angry, it's not the end of the world. It's just a feeling. I don't have to do anything about it if I don't want to. I can just feel angry. Identifying when your angry and what the cause of it is will keep you from trying to numb that feeling out of fear.

Everyone knows what it is like to feel lonely at some point in their life. I think most of my Oxycontin use was to numb feelings of just that - loneliness. Instead of actually trying to do something about the reason I was feeling this way, I just figured I would cover up the feeling. Wow, what a great idea that was. I got absolutely nothing from it except a few hours in oblivion and a severe drug habit.

I have come to learn that there is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. There are times that I get lonely. The fact that I have had to cut out some relationships that may jeopardize my sobriety has often left me with feelings of loneliness. Times like these can be turned around by making a connection with someone. This can easily be done at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. It's strange how just going and seeing others that are in the same situation as yourself can make you remember that you aren't alone.

My night time routine before sleeping has changed dramatically from my days of Oxycontin abuse. For some reason when I was using and I would get tired, I felt that I needed something extra to just knock me out. It's a really weird thing, I would be tired enough to sleep but felt that I needed something to make me even sleepier. I know that most people would feel tired and then probably use a stimulant to keep themselves up. I was the opposite. I didn't like the feeling of laying down to sleep with my thoughts and worries.

Life skills play an important part of me conquering this trigger. I get a normal night sleep now so that I don't get tired during the day like I used to. I have set up a night time routine for myself that my body has grown accustom to. I no longer fear what I will think about as I lay down to sleep. The reason for that is I read until I'm just about falling asleep. Once I shut the light off I spend some time trying to connect with my higher power. This gets me away from worrying about things that I have no control over and certainly cannot do anything about while I'm laying in bed.

All of the above is my personal version of H.A.L.T. I know everyones version will differ slightly but it all boils down to taking care of your basic needs.