Maybe I’m Not Really an Addict

June 6, 2010 — 7 Comments

Just try and tell me that you haven’t had that thought before…anyone, no one, ok then. Good, it’s not just me. Our minds are so f’d up with addictive thinking that we actually try and fool ourselves into believing the thought that possibly we weren’t as bad as we made out to be. We must have over reacted because we went today without drinking and it wasn’t too hard.

From what I have heard and what I have read this is a very common thought in recovery. What is kind of funny is that this very thought proves that you and I are true addicts. With all that we had to go through to be where we are today to be able to even entertain the idea that we really don’t have a problem is insane.

This insanity is all a part of our addictive thinking. It is this thought process that is our real obstacle, more so than using the actual substance. Addictive thinking is what we are trying to recover from. Since we went through the detox we already recovered from the particular drug or the alcohol that we were using at the time. I think this is the part that most people just don’t understand that well.

We have to keep these thoughts in check. When I have one of these type of addictive thoughts I can identify it as being a crock of shit. I actually get a chuckle at myself. It’s like my brain is trying to get one over on me. It’s just bazaar. But for now it is something that I have to accept and be on the lookout for to avoid relapse.

More outrageous thoughts to come…stayed tuned.

7 responses to Maybe I’m Not Really an Addict

  1. Gosh, I’m so glad I ran across this post. I was just thinking the very same thing today, “Maybe I’m not an alcoholic…..” and was feeling quite smart to have finally “figured” that out. Geez, Louise, Paleeze! Of course, I realize that this is part of the insanity and of course I gladly shared this at the table tonight, because I truly treasure my recovery. But, still, it is comforting to know that I am not unique, and it’s refreshing to share in the moment what recovery sometimes is: a baffling disorder that can fool us into thinking we’re really not sick after all.

  2. In the rooms of NA we often hear people begin their sharing by saying “I have a disease that tell’s me I don’t have a disease.”

  3. Although my disease may be in a cage, it can (and does!) still talk to me through the bars! 🙂

  4. Someone’sKiddo June 17, 2011 at 1:26 am

    Wow. I just flat out stopped the absurdity of meetings, which for me had become absurd, when there was no longer the disease talking to me business. Once my brain recovered, well gosh, I just no longer feel that there is ANY ‘struggle’ to remaining clean.

    Now then I was certainly, for a long time too, at the “BIG struggle”, hour-by-hour point myself once, but I sure as heck hope others do not ever have to stay in that horrid place for long. Damn, I hope you all stop having it “talk to you”.

    Does anyone have thoughts on other medical problems not related to addiction pasts that remain untreated, unDXed, and flat out not believed for years due to the fact that the medical community (hey, they have those handy rehab records & hospital visit/ prescription records) has branded certain people “addicts”?

    I know, I was told for years too that once you’re well for years eventually you’re trusted again. I find this to be patently untrue, but I find this feeling has grown in American society specifically (pardon the assumption). I do not think either that the addiction epidemic would be so severe if there were not the combined forces of availability of various drugs in the form of medications combined with this stigma and it not being treated as a medical issue.

  5. AHAHAHAHA! Great post thanks!

    You’ll be glad to know that here in South Africa the recovery madness can be the same at times.
    My head still occasionally tells me “well you did all your drinking and using as a teenager, it’s VERY difficult to accurately diagnose dependence in the teen years, maybe they got it wrong?”
    Whats hilarious is that my first thought is “well OK then , so maybe i’ll have a drink!” not – “maybe I’ll go to Mexico on holiday”

  6. 24 years cleen and sober, and i have probly had that insain thought atleast once in each of those years. usualy when things are going well. keep going to meatings, it is insurance

  7. Simple test/observation courtesy of Bucky Sinister (Author of Get Up – a 12 step guide for misfits, freaks, and weirdos).

    Normal people have never sat around wondering if they are an addict…… Ever.

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