I’ve talked before about my need for a routine. It seems that when I let my routine slide a little… I fall apart.
This past week my husband was on vacation and we really had a great time going on day trips here and there. All of this fun had me away from my house and more importantly away from my routine. Excellent right? Then why is it that I feel like I’ve come undone?
In the post I did about identifying the difference between backsliding and human imperfection I touched on the fact that I give my self a very hard time when I feel that I’m not doing the best that I could be doing. I guess I’m just a little unforgiving with myself.
Yesterday I tried very hard to get back into the “normal” routine swing of things and it was difficult. Sure, I got some things done that needed to be done but didn’t get to everything that I thought I could accomplish. If it were anyone else I would say “Big effing deal… there is always tomorrow”. Me? I say “Uh oh, what is this, don’t let yourself get back to your old ways. Why are you taking a break? You really didn’t do enough work so far to merit a break. The house looks pretty gross and you are taking a break? You’re kind of lazy.”
This kind of thinking opens up the flood gates and lets all sorts of negative self talk sneak right in. I then start to pick myself apart. “I’m too fat, I’m too lazy, I could really be better at getting my child on a schedule, I fool myself into thinking I’m doing better than I really am. Just forget about your idea to turn your interest in children’s face painting into a body art business… you’re not good enough and you’re business sense sucks.”
Those are just the things I feel comfortable putting out there for others to read so you can use your imagination on the really negative stuff.
Why do I allow myself to do this? I don’t fully understand where all of this negativity comes from. I could go on and on about when I was a child I was never really encouraged to have goals or follow through with anything but honestly… I’m 30 (ok 31 on the 17th of this month) isn’t it time to get over my childhood already?
I guess all I can do is try to deal with these things as they come up. When I start to lose confidence in myself I need to take a step back and try to see that I’m just having a moment of self doubt. This is normal and it will pass. I just need to keep pushing through.
I think I know the answer to this question but, does everyone have these moments? If so, how do you keep from giving in to this type of thinking? Do you just let it pass and then get back to your forward momentum? I’m just looking for better ways to deal with this using other people’s experience.