Addiction Recovery…Struggling Not To Struggle?

February 2, 2008 — 4 Comments

Just like life it’s self, addiction recovery is filled with times of struggle and times of uncertainty. But also like like it’s self, it is made up of way more than that. For every bad time there is a good time.

For me, this is one of those times when I’m not struggling in my addiction recovery. At the moment, things seem to have fallen into place.

The only thing that I’m having a hard time with right now is practicing what I preach about being able to stay in the moment. Enjoy the good times without waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s pretty difficult to realize that you don’t know how to deal with even the good times in life.

I’m so quick to look right over the good moments in life, kind of searching for the next crappy thing that is going to happen so that I’m not caught totally off guard. That’s no way to live.

Rationally I know that by staying in the moment, staying in the day, it means that I should not be fearing the future. Notice I said rationally. Knowing something and actually living something are two completely different things.

So for now in my addiction recovery, as weird as it seems to say, I struggle with allowing myself not to struggle. I’ll let you know how that goes.

4 responses to Addiction Recovery…Struggling Not To Struggle?

  1. The struggle to not let myself struggle makes perfect sense to me. Thanks for sharing.

  2. I go through this a lot. But I think my motivation is control. Once I feel like everything is under reasonable control (relationships with my family, work projects, housework, churchwork, etc) I start subconsciously looking for which spinning plate is going to start wobbling first.

    It’s exhausting and I have to fight it more than I care to admit.

  3. I remember when I first realized that I didn’t have just a problem dealing with difficult times, but actually had a hard time dealing with good times as well. It was quite an eye-opener and an important moment in my recovery. I think we often concentrate on all the negative stuff. It’s easy to ignore the fact that most of us self-sabotage the good stuff too.

  4. jUST aNOTHER aDDICT February 7, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    There is a reading in NA’s JFT book that speaks of how we have to learn to live with the peace we have found….LEARN to live with the PEACE. I know this made gigantic sense to me when I read it and it sounds like you are experiencing sort of the same thing.
    The struggle to not let myself struggle makes perfect sense to me, too. I had to learn (and am still learning) how to get out and stay out of my own way, so to speak; learn to live with the peace.
    Nice post. Good stuff to share.

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