There was a time, even in early addiction recovery when self examination was a very scary thing for me. I avoided it, I ran from it, I feared it.
As my addiction recovery has chugged along, I have found it easier and easier to take a good look at myself. Not only is it easier, I feel that I couldn’t live without doing this.
Instead of cowering from self examination I now seek it out. I am always looking for ways to look a little deeper inside so I can see what is going on with me. But it’s not always easy.
This is where it gets kind of dorky. Have you ever come across any sites on line that offer certain multiple choice tests pertaining to certain aspects of yourself? Like personality, emotional stability…stuff like that. I can’t get enough of this type of thing.
Don’t get me wrong. I realize that these tests are pretty general and aren’t giving an exact picture of who or what I am but when you take the time to really analyze yourself based on the questions that you are asked and you answer them completely honestly your results can kind of give you a sense of what is going on in there.
When you take these tests you are given a little blurb about what your answers indicate in relation to the topic of the test. Then you can pay to have an in depth report sent to you I DO NOT PA Y FOR THIS. Don’t think I’ve gone off the deep end and have started paying money for this type of thing.
I wait until free tests are offered through sites like Tickle. You can sign up for email offers of tests that come with free reports. These are the ones I go for. Although you have to weed your way through about 5 pages of “offers” before the test begins.
Once you have completed the test you are giving a full report of your answers, what they mean in correlation with the test, what areas of yourself you may want to focus on…stuff like that. Believe it or not, the reports are pretty thorough and I think they are helpful.
What is freaky is sometimes I catch myself answering questions dishonestly because I don’t want to appear weird…to who? Myself? What is that about? How often do I do this in day to day life? Interesting.
See? That is an example of self examination. Without taking a good look at myself I wouldn’t have realized that this was something I do. Realization of something doesn’t make it go away but it sure is a step in the right direction.
Self examination is not all about finding the bad qualities in yourself. It’s also about recognizing what is good about yourself. It’s about identifying your strengths as well as your weaknesses. Basically it’s about getting a truer sense of who you are.
Maybe in time I won’t find it necessary to use outside sources such as these online tests as a way of examining myself. Possibly in time it will become easier for me to do this on my own. But for now, I guess I need the feedback.