Now that I am in addiction recovery I am trying to deal with all of life’s issues that I let slide right by me when I was in the grips of active substance abuse. Anything in my life that would give me the slightest twinge of a feeling, good or bad, I would block out with the use of drugs. Now it is time to start sifting through the ashes.
One issue that I have been working on since I started in addiction recovery has been the relationship between my husband and I. Although this is no where near perfect, we are heading in the right direction. Our relationship seems to improve at the same pace as my own improvements. I decided it was time to take a look at all the other aspects of my wreckage.
One huge, huge…HUGE issue that I just completely ignored was my financial obligations to anyone and everyone that I had any type of credit with. My vehicle which should have been completely paid for by June of 2006 still has 2 payments left on it as of right now. My husband and I lost our home to foreclosure and are living in an apartment in someone else’s home. I have accounts with collection agencies for just about every credit card I have ever had and every utility that was ever in my name.
Without even realizing it, all of these things had me living in such fear. It was another thing I let loom over my head unresolved. Yesterday I opened all of the mail that I had been stockpiling…too afraid to open and too afraid to just throw out. I cannot tell you the relief I felt once I actually knew for a fact where I stand financially.
It’s not good. I’m not going to sit here and say it is. I have a “poor” credit score(if you don’t have a copy of your credit report, go get one) and the dollar amount of my debt is pretty high. The difference between then and now is, now I know. Knowing is half the battle – go Joe! (anyone? GI Joe?) It dawned on me that knowledge really is power.
I don’t have the money right now to just pay off everyone I owe. But what I do have is peace of mind because it’s not as bad as I thought it was. It occurred to me that probably most of the things I have been putting off due to fear are not as bad as they are in my head.
Just like anything else that us recovering addicts do, dealing with the consequences of our addiction needs to be done one day at a time. If we try to take on everything all at once we’re not going to get very far. I say pick something, deal with it and move on to the next.