Who is My Higher Power

March 29, 2010 — 11 Comments

If you have read anything about narcotics anonymous/alcoholics anonymous or if you have attended their meetings then you have heard of a “higher power”. To some this is God. But what is someone who isn’t really into god supposed to do.

I have tried and tried to believe that there is a God up there but I just can’t wrap my brain around that. I can say that I believe that but I would be lying to myself and that’s not going to help me in any way. I can’t tell you how many pages of my journal have been devoted to this very topic. I was talking about this at a narcotics anonymous meeting and I was given something to think about by another member. The fellowship of narcotics anonymous is my higher power right now.

I know that I can’t do this by myself. I need to be a part of something bigger than myself to make this work. I have already tried my way and it didn’t get me anywhere accept addicted to drugs. Since I have already accepted the fact that I can’t do it alone, I’ve accepted a higher power. The higher power being narcotics anonymous.

Being part of a group that shares their wisdom and struggles with me is my higher power right now. Having a fellowship that shows me the way to a successful life in recovery is what I need and what I depend on. I heard a man say how thankful he was for the group, he said “my way got me here, your way keeps me here”. I thought that was a pretty powerful statement.

When you accept something as being greater than yourself such as narcotics anonymous or alcoholics anonymous you have accepted your higher power. Who knows, maybe someday I will have belief in a God. I never say never.

11 responses to Who is My Higher Power

  1. Charles Hadden March 24, 2008 at 9:46 am

    There is not a human that doesn’t function without immense amounts of Faith. Faith is as natural eating. That is a good example. Which burger joint do you like best? Lets say BK. You trust even a strange Bk just because you have had good experiences at them and with ever good experience you unconsciously gain more faith that the next new bk you visit will be just a good. But I know in my Town there is one BK that since their opening many years and many managers/employees later is the slowest store on the planet. I don’t Micky D’s. That is bad religion. Another example would be when you go in and sit down to eat. Why on earth would you or anyone have any faith that any particular chair, especially at a Mick D’s would support you, not letting you fall. It started when you were a baby on you mama’s lap in a chair. You don’t even remember the earliest experience, but it’s there. Positive reinforcement. If you talk to someone who has grown up in a religious home (I use the word to NOT offend some other people), They have generally had very real and personal experiences that have led them to trust. Some turn away. Those have not had enough Poss. reinforcement. But there are those who could never leave. They has Faith. The act of trusting in something that they had no reason to believe in and no discernible poss. reinforcement. They didn’t wrap their minds around God. Like trusting a big soft easy chair, they let God wrap himself around them!

  2. I struggled with this very issue for about 40 days into my recovery (I have it written in my journal from 2007). Just after my 25th birthday, my wife (ex) and I were expecting our first child. Then my world changed forever.

    She wasn’t feeling well on Saturday so we went to the hospital. The said her blood pressure was a bit high and wanted to keep her overnight. No biggy, everything going to be ok, I mean, what can go wrong? I was waken at 2 AM by my mother-in-law screaming at me to wake up. I had just come back from the bar and was still pretty fucked up but I then came to my sences. There was a problem and she was going into the IC unit. We drove to the hospital and found that she had developed severe toximia and preaclampsia. The primary hospital could not do anything for her so they put her and I in an ambulance and sent us 20 miles to Danbury CT. (on the way, the ambulance STOPPED when someone from the side of the road waved them down. It was a drunken man looking for directions) We no sooner got into the hospital when they said she was going into distress, and that we had to go to ANOTHER hospital. At this time, the whites in her eyes were replaced with blood. Tears were pink.

    The helicopter took us to Yale-New Haven’s pad, where an ambulance took us to the ICU stat. They had to knock her out and try to stabilze her. I was approached by a team of doctors who said I needed to make a decision. We can save your wife, or we can save the baby, but not both at the same time. The baby will have a 15% chance where your wife, if we act NOW, will live.

    I signed a paper that held the hospital harmless and to do whatever it took to save my wife.

    They tried to save my daughter. There were 8 specialists tring to keep her alive after she was forced from my wife. They pulled me to the side and said the lungs just would not support her given the Hydrops. They handed my daughter (Mellissa) to me and told me they did everything they could. She was wrapped in a soft cloth. She was sooo small……………………………They took her from me about a minute after she stopped breathing. My wife was just waking up when we came in to hand her Mellissa…………… Sorry, I have to stop.

    My point is this. That was March 8th. On July 31st of the same year, I was holding our 17 week old twin fetus’s in my hand. We lost the next pregnancy too. After all that happened, my faith (whatever was left of it) was gone. I remember saying the following constantly: NOW I KNOW THERE IS NO GOD.

    20 years and 3 weeks later, I decided to go into rehab. I struggled with the GOD thing alot. After getting out, I struggled with the GOD thing in meetings everyday. That was, until I went to Atlantic City and was playing the slot machines. Sounds pretty weird, huh? I remember hitting for something like $600.00 after putting in only $1.00. I looked up and said “Thanks, Dad”. You see, my father passed away in 1997 at the age of 87. We would always mildly gamble, shoot pool, stuff like that because he wasn’t a younger father (he had me when he was 51 years old).

    But THAT was how I “got” the idea of a higher power. It hit me that profoundly. “Thats all there is TO it???” I’ve always talked to him outloud and in thought, but never thought of him as a “higher power” prior to me getting clean.

    That is what works for me. It was the awakening I needed to remain in recovery. Without my higher power, I would not be clean. The funny is………..he was with me all along. And with THAT said, its all I need. Good luck all!


  3. Hang in there, you’ll find your way in time dear.

  4. Wow! Alot of different ways to find a HP. When in rehab my counselor told me that if I did not know what my HP was to use the group. It’s greater than me! Working a Third Step I also found that my HP would be something that was always with me and loved unconditionally.

    For me….it was all those coinsidences. I was desperate and asked a God that I could not see or touch to help me from using drugs. Well, next thing I know I’m in the rooms of NA. There were times that I wanted to use and something would happen and I wouldn’t. The best was one time I was walking down the street going to the ATM to get money to cop. A drunk with a brown paper wrapped bottle walked along side of me babbling…all I could think of was what was he doing! As I walked out of his mouth came “Sometimes in life you just have to hang in there”. That did it!

    I went to the ATM, didn’t have enough money to withdraw and kept thinking about what the drunk had said, went home and got another day clean. Through out my recovery these coincidences happen again and again. I have a HP today that shows me through these coincidences that though invisible and silent is there to help and guide me in my recovery.

  5. I believe in a HP and I am so counting on him now!

  6. if not for my needing and wanting of a power greater than myself.My lifestyle would still b damage inc. if not over! 1 day at a time i now av a sober lifestyle. challenges everyday, resentment alot,learning how 2 lessen all this can b very fukn hard! by th grace of my god i av bn givn this choice which i happerly except!!! KEEP IT SIMPLE!!!

  7. your story of your! recovery helps my soberiety,so bring it on!!!

  8. another good meetn,earlybirds burleigh heads QLD AUST 6am very spiritaul.i had 2b as low as whale shit 4 me 2accept th fact!! that apower grater than me cood get me bak on th rite path,1DAY AT ATIME. i heer my story every day,without even sayn a word. that is a power i cood only find in AA,i shit U! not.

  9. drivn pissed n stoned was par 4 th course. avo,s court dui,s threatn people wrekn people getn wrekd benders that kept go n no matter wat. lying in court,real good at that.ritn off cars{3} no respect 4 anything or any1,2 th point i wood pik my babygirl up from pre skool pissed and or stoned.drinkn b4 work, luvd that,sorry 4got th bongs luvd them 2.i bleeve i av plenty of beers n bongs left in me,not sure about another recovery tho.by th grace of my GOD N AA ican arrest this sikness 1 day at a time.THANK YOU!!!

  10. sat morn meetn,group of kids 18:25 cum up from th local rehab.very powerful meetn! th spiritual thing as really hit home in th last few gatherns. a bloke i av alot of respect 4 sumd it up, igrew up athiest,god bless me! 50:60 ofus 2day! strength in no,s! every1 of us has a real life story 2 tell, sum{like mine} u mite wonder how i got thro all that shit. th reality is now! i need,want along with apretty big crew 2 stay sober clean or both”1DAY AT A TIME” GOD BLESS US ALL.

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