Happy Fourth Of July

March 19, 2010 — 2 Comments

Happy Fourth of July to everyone. I hope you have fun gathering with friends and family to celebrate our countries independence. Maybe catch a parade, have a cookout and wrap the day up with some fireworks. What could be better than that?

Last year’s Fourth of July was a pretty difficult time for me. Being 6 months into my recovery, I was still filled with a lot of uncontrollable emotions that had been ignored for so long. I kind of had an emotionally draining day which left me looking for something… anything to make it stop. I guess that’s why I popped a pill.

Last year on this day I was about 6 months into my recovery. On the morning of July fourth I had written a Happy Fourth of July post talking about what this holiday meant to me. All of the reminiscing had gotten me pretty down which should have been a red flag. But I didn’t pay attention to my feelings and just went through the motions of the day.

When I had gotten home that night I headed straight into the bathroom, opened up the drawer, and took over the counter medication for no reason other than to fall into sleep without having to think about anything. For someone else this may not have been a big deal. For me? It was huge. I felt that I had relapsed.

I accpeted that I had screwed up, I looked at the situation very closely and tried to see where it began going wrong and I tried to learn something from that experience.

This Fourth of July I am in a very different place from last year. Sure, fireworks and parades can still get me choked up ( yeah, I don’t know either) but I’m not feeling sad and depressed about “the good old days”. I’m trying to live in the moment… not in the past.

2 responses to Happy Fourth Of July

  1. Coline Bettson July 4, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    Thank you for this post. It makes me feel very calm to know you & I share such sensitive natures.

    You sure are not alone.

    What about the forth of July 2009 ?

    keep up thinking – if we slip, we do better the next day.

    Just about to give up smokes – AGAIN – at 57, it has been 40 years of another addiction – this will be my last quit.

    We do what we do…try & try. I am proud of us…it will happen.

    Shalom !

  2. Here’s wishing you a happy independence day 3 days late! Hope that you were serene at the end of the day. And then thanks for another nice post from you, Erin. Thank you for putting in the effort it takes to identify even the minutest of things in your head and then posting them over here; things which may seem unimportant but aren’t; thanks for telling us just how you are living in the moment what that actually means.

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