Identifying Addictive Thinking

September 8, 2009 — 7 Comments

I have talked about addictive thinking in the past and surprise, surprise… here I go again.

The reason for me bringing up addictive thinking so often? The reason is that I still see that old addictive thinking trying to creep it’s way back in from time to time.

So if addictive thinking never goes away… what’s the point of all this? Well, even though it hasn’t entirely disappeared from my brain, I am getting pretty good at identifying addictive thinking.

Over the years I have developed some pretty bad behaviors that went unchecked for a long time due to my constant drug use. There were things like never completing anything, missing school/work for no reason other than I didn’t want to go, and the biggest of them all… rationalizing all of my bad behavior so that it didn’t seem so bad.

I would like to tell you that because of all my hard work I have alleviated all of my bad behaviors and am living the perfect life. But… that’s not realistic.

What I have become so much better at is identifying my bad behaviors before they manifest themselves. This is what I refer to as addictive thinking. Those thoughts in your head that when they are really examined seem to be what used to feed your addiction.

Even more than just being able to identify addictive thinking, I actually get a chuckle out of some of the stuff that goes on in my head. I find that my addictive thinking can be really sneaky. I find myself saying “ya almost got me” a lot and kind of snickering at myself.

So what gets me through this? I still strive to do the best that I can each and every day. This cuts down on the feeling of things lingering over my head. It also cuts down on dreading the unknown of the future.

7 responses to Identifying Addictive Thinking

  1. Hi. I just read your blog about, Addictive Thinking creeping up, well thats me Iam struggling really hard,Iam still on suboxone, and I find my self having that stickin thinkin again, and yea, I wonder, whats gonna happen when its time to get off the suboxone? Because, Iam holding on to these like I did the perscription meds. I dont fell high, but they diffently do somthing to me. Why cant I just be normal, and live a sober life??? Susie

    • That is the Million Dollar Question Susie!! I ask my myself that from time to time. Why can’t I be normal and live a sober life?? Well the truth is we can, it’s just the fact of getting there? I am currently taking methodone, and have been on and off for the past 9 yrs. Into rehab, out of rehab, relapsing and not relapsing. At what point do we say that we want to be completely sober without any WITHDRAWLS!!!!! Is that possible???? Because that is were I personally struggle!! I remember years ago when my older brother was going thru addiction/withdrawls/ect. one time he asked me,” why are you in such a good mood”? I replied,” High on life brother” He didn’t believe me, but it was the truth!! Now I look back, and I feel the way he does now and just wish I could feel that way again. I personally believe it’s self doubt, being afraid, withdrawl fear, and the unknown.

  2. Hi,

    I saw your post and thought this was spot-on and very insightful. All of my family, on both sides, have addiction problems of one sort or another. You profiled my brother’s story, mereggie, a while ago, and although I don’t have a drug problem, I have the same alcohol challenges. My dad is an AA guy, and his motto is one da at a time. Somehow, despite all the stress of the mereggie period, he didn’t take a single drink. He has been sober since 1981, and I think it is because he recognizes his addictive thinking, like you have.

  3. thanks mike, that is really encouraging to hear.

  4. I truely believe, that whatever addictions we face, it’s all a matter of how bad do we want a “Normal Life”, or what we define as Normal, or is normal always going to be the way we feel on these drugs just to maintain a productive life. When I say drugs I mean like Methodone, Suboxone to curb our addiction. Whether we want to believe it or not, we are actually trading one drug for another. Even though I didnt want to believe that at first, but it is the truth, because once these type of drugs get into your system if you want to quit you have to wing yourself off of them as well. I am at the point in my life, where my family and spouse want me to quit taking methodone treatment, but until they have had this disease or anyone has had this disease they really don’t know what we as addicts go through!! I don’t think I am alone on this one, am I? Addictive thinking, to me, is a very powerful thing. I will always have this disease, it’s just up to me on whether or not I am ready to beat this ugly and I do stress UGLY ADDICTIVE DISEASE! When I take methodone, at first I felt like I was on top of the world could not have felt any better!!! Now almost two years into treatment, I just feel normal, and I guess really normal? If this is what normal feels like? I don’t feel high at all, I have all my ducks in a row per say, actually I find myself uping my dose, because I am at the point to were I get really irratable real easy, kinda like the feeling when I was addicted to pain meds and didn’t have any? I guess it is fair to say that methodone had clinched onto me. Addictive thinking intriges me, I am new to this site, but I want to know more and am glad that there is oppertunity to make posts.

  5. Yea Jane, Your totally right! I feel the same way, I want to not be on meds, But the way my life has been going, I wont give them up, Untill I know I can handle my life the way I feel is right, Along with my god. We are some sick puppies out there,Because of one reason or another, And I dont care what people say about me trading one drug or another, At least Iam not out there doing stupid things, Illeagle things, and Iam under a doctors care.

  6. I suffer from addictive thinking after almost 10 years of not snorting crystal meth. I feel horribly miserable now that I am on withdrawal from cymbalta. This really makes me want to go back to my old ways but i know better…. One day at a time……

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