Sometimes the importance of being reminded in addiction recovery of just how sick I was in active addiction slips my mind. There is a fine line between dwelling in the past and reflecting on your past and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.
Since staying in the day is an important part of my life, I tend to focus on these Twenty-four hours and where I am today. What I often lose sight of is what actually got me here in the first place.
I believe that things have a way of striking a chord with you when needed. If I’ve learned anything about identifying feelings it’s that they are an indication of what is going on with me…consciously or subconsciously.
For me, reading some thoughts and comments of people still in active Oxycontin addiction has really brought me back to where it all began and it’s a place I never want to be again.
Lately my online associations include people who are already in addiction recovery and tend to have a longer sobriety time than myself. I look towards these people for advice, motivation, and a sense of where I could be down the road. It is very beneficial to me.
In doing this, I lost sight of the importance of hearing a new comers story. I’m only looking at one side of the coin. I forgot about what it is to identify with someone who has just about reached the breaking point of their addiction but is still overcome by addictive thinking patterns.
It’s in those people’s stories that I can reflect on my past. I can truly see the insidiousness of addictive thinking and how it pushes rational thought to the background.
Just recently I have had a few lengthy comments on my site from a couple of people who are still in active Oxycontin addiction. They are at the point where you are realizing that your addiction is having a negative effect on your life but you are not yet prepared to completely surrender yourself over to the help that you need.
My heart is heavy while I identify with these people. It takes me back to the time when I was no longer able to convince myself that everything was fine but I was too terrified to ask anyone for help. I was afraid of what would happen to my life if I admitted that I was an addict. I was hopeless to the point of wanting something horrible to happen to me that would end my life. I didn’t know where to turn or what the first step should be towards help. All the while still physically and mentally needing my drug.
Identifying with these situations and remembering just where it is I came from has been very beneficial to my addiction recovery. Like I said, there was a reason that these people’s stories struck such a chord in me…I needed to be reminded.
I’m hoping that just as I draw strength from identifying with others stories, they will draw it from mine.