Addiction Recovery: Being Reminded of How Sick We Were

April 4, 2010 — 7 Comments

Sometimes the importance of being reminded in addiction recovery of just how sick I was in active addiction slips my mind. There is a fine line between dwelling in the past and reflecting on your past and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.

Since staying in the day is an important part of my life, I tend to focus on these Twenty-four hours and where I am today. What I often lose sight of is what actually got me here in the first place.

I believe that things have a way of striking a chord with you when needed. If I’ve learned anything about identifying feelings it’s that they are an indication of what is going on with me…consciously or subconsciously.

For me, reading some thoughts and comments of people still in active Oxycontin addiction has really brought me back to where it all began and it’s a place I never want to be again.

Lately my online associations include people who are already in addiction recovery and tend to have a longer sobriety time than myself. I look towards these people for advice, motivation, and a sense of where I could be down the road. It is very beneficial to me.

In doing this, I lost sight of the importance of hearing a new comers story. I’m only looking at one side of the coin. I forgot about what it is to identify with someone who has just about reached the breaking point of their addiction but is still overcome by addictive thinking patterns.

It’s in those people’s stories that I can reflect on my past. I can truly see the insidiousness of addictive thinking and how it pushes rational thought to the background.

Just recently I have had a few lengthy comments on my site from a couple of people who are still in active Oxycontin addiction. They are at the point where you are realizing that your addiction is having a negative effect on your life but you are not yet prepared to completely surrender yourself over to the help that you need.

My heart is heavy while I identify with these people. It takes me back to the time when I was no longer able to convince myself that everything was fine but I was too terrified to ask anyone for help. I was afraid of what would happen to my life if I admitted that I was an addict. I was hopeless to the point of wanting something horrible to happen to me that would end my life. I didn’t know where to turn or what the first step should be towards help. All the while still physically and mentally needing my drug.

Identifying with these situations and remembering just where it is I came from has been very beneficial to my addiction recovery. Like I said, there was a reason that these people’s stories struck such a chord in me…I needed to be reminded.

I’m hoping that just as I draw strength from identifying with others stories, they will draw it from mine.

7 responses to Addiction Recovery: Being Reminded of How Sick We Were

  1. It’s amazing how hard it is to move on from these situations, isn’t it? It’s amazing how you don’t realize that you’re addicted when you’re addicted, and then all of a sudden, it’s like you hit the light at the end of the tunnel. And then you feel helpless, and you’re not quite sure where to turn, but you end up traveling down the path anyway, finding those that help you along the way. One of my favorite shows is A&E’s Intervention. It really strikes a chord for me, just like newcomer’s stories strike a chord with you. It’s painful to watch, but therapeutic in a way. They convince addicts that they’re participating in a documentary, and then at the end, they face them with a choice: intervention with a specialist to get better, or they can continue on their self-destructive path. It’s a hard choice that all addicts have to come to face, one that I’ve stared at myself, and I know one that you have come to grips with. Check it out, it may help remind you to not fall victim to your addictive ways–at least that’s how I feel. The new season premiere is on December 3rd at 9pm, or you can check out some episodes at http://www.aetv.com/intervention. It’s really an inspiration to me. I am working to support them because I think it’s so important to help people not only overcome their addictions, but realize that they have a problem. Best of luck with your continued success. I hope that you can use your story to help others.

  2. I like that perspective of being able to look back at myself through others’ stories and comments. So many of the bloggers in my life have love/hate relatinships with commenters. I haven’t faced much of that, b/c I’m not so well known in the blogger recovery world, which is kinda ok with me. I’m not sure that I’m that far along in recovery to be as centered as I hear you are in dealing with comments. But I’m willing to move in that direction. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Great post….I never want to forget how sick I was and never want to go back there, but there are no guarantees…only a commitment to not go there today.

  4. Those who forget are doomed to repeat…….

    I constantly seek out other addicts, read their stories, share their pain and identify with their fears.

    I had an experience today which left me face to face with someone still actively drinking, dying from lung cancer and asking us to please bring him a bottle of scotch on our next visit to the hospital to see him. It is so sad to stare denial in the face. Talk about “keeping it green”.

    But there for the Grace of God go I……..

    Love your blog, btw. Oxy addict also. Recovery with the aid of Suboxone (yeah, I know, you think it was the easy way out, but I assure you it was no walk in the park!), and have not taken an oxy in 4 years and have been off Sub’s since September!

    Hugs,
    Janice

  5. Janice
    Thanks so much for the comments and I appreciate you contributing to the site.

    I just wanted to add that I don’t think that Suboxone is the easy way out. Obviously you worked hard at your recovery and you were able to stop taking the Suboxone as well.

    I don’t down play that kind of work at all. Great Job.

  6. I had to chuckle when I read “and you were able to stop taking the Suboxone as well” because it took years to come off of it. I was lucky enough to have a doctor who not only understood addiction, but also understood my particular fears as well. He allowed me to wean at my own pace, which others on Sub are not allowed to do. They are put on it, to overcome withdrawal symptoms, and taken off far too soon. Doctors seem to think that once we overcome the physical addiction, there isn’t a need for the Suboxone. What you and I both know is that addiction is far greater a disease than just physical. The mental part of our disease is still whispering in our ear to use so much longer than the aches and cramps!
    If everyone “recovered” after the physical withdrawal of drugs/alcohol, then why is it we continue to use again, even after swearing to our God that once we stop aching, puking, cramping, etc. we will never, ever, use/drink again? JMHO!

    Hugs,
    Janice

  7. Well ive been reading up on the internet about some recovery stories and I just want to kind of let you all know how my life is after recovery from oxycontin. I am 20 years old and have been addicted to oxycontin twice in about a 2 year period off and on heavily buying it off the street. Ive been clean for 8 months now and I never used any Suboxone or anything to quit. I just quit and I was wondering if quitting like that could cause high blood pressure? I seem to be heading down the right road and feel good about it. I regret the past and im moving forward the best I know how. Life isnt easy and ive never expected it to be. I wasnt sure what I was getting myself into when starting oxycontin but im now sure of what ive gotten myself out of and never plan on getting back in.

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