Loneliness In Addiction Recovery « What Winners Do

Loneliness In Addiction Recovery

Posted on February 25, 2010

Think about all of the isolating that we did in active addiction. Is it any wonder that a lot of us experience a sense of loneliness in addiction recovery?

Because in addiction you have distanced yourself from a lot of the positive people in your life and have instead chosen to surround yourself with people who have the same addictive qualities as yourself, once you enter into recovery and have cut ties with the "wrong type of people" you may be left with the feeling of loneliness.

In my own life, I didn't really hang out with anyone that I used drugs with. I was very successful in my isolating. When the time came when I was clean there wasn't that much change in the number of people I was around (0), just a change in how it affected me.

When I was using drugs I didn't mind being by myself. I was able to deny to myself that I was feeling lonely...the drugs helped me out with that. So when I wasn't using the drugs anymore the sense of loneliness was crushing.

One of my biggest obstacles in early recovery was isolating myself. I guess you take someone who over their entire life has been burned a few times by getting close to people, doesn't feel comfortable enough to show emotion in front of other people, and who has an addictive thought pattern and you have the perfect recipe for the defense mechanism called...isolation.

The way that I began to bring myself out of isolation was by sharing at recovery meetings. Even though sharing my thoughts and emotions with a room of strangers went against every instinct in myself, rationally I knew I needed to.

What I found out was that after I would open up to others I felt a hell of a lot better. Just saying the words out loud to others some how freed me up inside. It was sharing at recovery meetings that first taught me what it was like to share with others.

It seemed like once I was able to open up in meetings I began to get the basics of being able to open up to others one on one and that lead to me being able to start some healthy relationships.

So when I hear people talking about the loneliness in addiction recovery I truly understand where they are coming from. I've been there. I still am there from time to time as I experience recovery ebbs and flows.

I truly believe that this loneliness is in direct connection with our defensive isolating that we have pretty much come to think of as who we are. As time goes on, we see that our isolation is not part of who we are but more a part of our addiction. It really proves the point that in our recovery we are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Tagged as: addiciton recovery, addictive thinking, isolating, loneliness Leave a comment

Comments (6) Trackbacks (1) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

pat
January 13th, 2008 - 21:18

Thanks for giving me a clearer insight. It helps me understand my son even more.

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Erin
January 14th, 2008 - 11:09

You are definitely welcome. I’m not sure if you have ever read Athena’s blog from the write thought but you and her would have a lot in common.

I know for myself, it is difficult for me to read both of your blogs because it really makes me realize what my addiction was like for my family…not just how it effected me.

So while they are difficult to read they are very necessary to read because my family has never expressed just what it was they went through with my addiction. Your honesty about the situation has shown me what heartache a relapse would cause and it is one more negative consequence to outweigh the positive when I’m trying to ride out a craving. Thank you

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Jen
January 14th, 2008 - 16:28

I totally relate. I was a solitary drinker (actually, “alone in a crowd” would be more accurate) and felt isolated. Before I found my recovery group, there is no way I would’ve shared openly (trust issues). Once I did find a group, I was encouraged (but not forced) to share and found out early that it lifts the burden, rather than increases it.

And re: recovery ebbing and flowing–I’m glad I’m not the only one!

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bottlecappie
January 15th, 2008 - 03:20

Hi Erin – I read your Ebbs and Flows post too. I feel that way a lot; like I fall in and out of love with life on a monthly basis. I try to remember that a lot of processes in life are cyclical, so recovery and healing probably are too. Keeping a visual of progress being in the shape of an ascending spiral helps me a lot – it helps me see that even when it seems like I’m moving backwards, I’m not.

I isolated myself because of depression long before I started taking painkillers. And having fibro really exacerbated the whole situation. I’d never want to commit to doing anything because I’d never know if I’d have the energy or be pain-free that day. During those times the computer was my life line.

Nowadays I’m slowly rebuilding my social life. It’s hard though. People wear me out, or maybe I’m just worn out and it’s hard to keep up appearances. But I know that I need that contact with my friends and family, and I’m trying to give myself the things I need. Reading your post reinforced that for me. I think tomorrow I’ll call a friend and make a coffee date.

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bottlecappie
January 17th, 2008 - 01:46

Hey Erin, you’ve been tagged. Check out my blog for the facts.

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John
December 30th, 2009 - 15:39

Maybe opening up at these groups does make you feel better for that instant but it doesn’t really tackle the issue of being addicted to isolation. Maybe it’s just me. I find that talking about problems and issues in our lives doesn’t make it easier but rather harder and adds to the cycle of isolation addiction. It is never really as simple as you or other people make it out to be. I find that it is not directly an addiction to isolation but rather you addiction to other things that make you really isolated.
For me it seems to be an addiction to pain, suffering, stress and anxiety that fuels my need for being isolated. It has been so long since i have been truly happy that i have forgotten all about it. I don’t even know what it means to be truly happy, if there is such a thing.
It is only through isolation that i can begin to understand the reasons for my behaviour. I know that it is not healthy to be isolated but i like it because it fuels my rage and hatred of myself, which for me is more rewarding that being with people. I know that i’m not right in the head, but i don’t know anything else.
Ever since i can remember i have been more attached to pain, hatred and discust
that i don’t really believe that love is real. It seems to me as a form of control. I think people pretend that it is real to make their lives easier when it is infact making them weak an ill-prepared for the truth.
Life is meaningless. We come into this world by ourselves and we wil leave it by ourselves so what difference does it really make if you spend your life in isolation.
all these things love, compassion and other BS is just a way to try and justify our existence and keep everyone in control. Over the years it has just become an accepted way of life. But the fact of the matter is our life is meaningless. We are animals that suppress our instincts because it is supposed to be right or civilised. but throught this suppresson of our primal instincts we are isolating ourselves from the very things that make us human.
So now look at your life and tell me your not living a lie or under some form of control. It is only by being isolated that we truly find out who we are and we can truly be ourselves.
When you are with people don’t you find that you hold yourself back or don’t do something that you want to? I’m sure you do. Now ask yourself why don’t you?
It is all a form of control over you, that has been implanted when your growing up. “you aren’t allowed to do this?” etc. But then we are denying our human impluses to become something that someone else wants you to be, and you don’t even realize it. And we are supposed to call this being free.
Who decides what level of freedom we should have and why should they choose what way i live my life. Therefore isolation is a means of escapism from the reality that our lives are shit and bound by controls, rules and regulations.
The fact of the matter is that we are isolating ourselves from the very thing that makes us human.

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