Loneliness In Addiction Recovery
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Think about all of the isolating that we did in active addiction. Is it any wonder that a lot of us experience a sense of loneliness in addiction recovery?
Because in addiction you have distanced yourself from a lot of the positive people in your life and have instead chosen to surround yourself with people who have the same addictive qualities as yourself, once you enter into recovery and have cut ties with the “wrong type of people” you may be left with the feeling of loneliness.
In my own life, I didn’t really hang out with anyone that I used drugs with. I was very successful in my isolating. When the time came when I was clean there wasn’t that much change in the number of people I was around (0), just a change in how it affected me.
When I was using drugs I didn’t mind being by myself. I was able to deny to myself that I was feeling lonely…the drugs helped me out with that. So when I wasn’t using the drugs anymore the sense of loneliness was crushing.
One of my biggest obstacles in early recovery was isolating myself. I guess you take someone who over their entire life has been burned a few times by getting close to people, doesn’t feel comfortable enough to show emotion in front of other people, and who has an addictive thought pattern and you have the perfect recipe for the defense mechanism called…isolation.
The way that I began to bring myself out of isolation was by sharing at recovery meetings. Even though sharing my thoughts and emotions with a room of strangers went against every instinct in myself, rationally I knew I needed to.
What I found out was that after I would open up to others I felt a hell of a lot better. Just saying the words out loud to others some how freed me up inside. It was sharing at recovery meetings that first taught me what it was like to share with others.
It seemed like once I was able to open up in meetings I began to get the basics of being able to open up to others one on one and that lead to me being able to start some healthy relationships.
So when I hear people talking about the loneliness in addiction recovery I truly understand where they are coming from. I’ve been there. I still am there from time to time as I experience recovery ebbs and flows.
I truly believe that this loneliness is in direct connection with our defensive isolating that we have pretty much come to think of as who we are. As time goes on, we see that our isolation is not part of who we are but more a part of our addiction. It really proves the point that in our recovery we are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.
Posts
January 13th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Thanks for giving me a clearer insight. It helps me understand my son even more.
January 14th, 2008 at 11:09 am
You are definitely welcome. I’m not sure if you have ever read Athena’s blog from the write thought but you and her would have a lot in common.
I know for myself, it is difficult for me to read both of your blogs because it really makes me realize what my addiction was like for my family…not just how it effected me.
So while they are difficult to read they are very necessary to read because my family has never expressed just what it was they went through with my addiction. Your honesty about the situation has shown me what heartache a relapse would cause and it is one more negative consequence to outweigh the positive when I’m trying to ride out a craving. Thank you
January 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I totally relate. I was a solitary drinker (actually, “alone in a crowd” would be more accurate) and felt isolated. Before I found my recovery group, there is no way I would’ve shared openly (trust issues). Once I did find a group, I was encouraged (but not forced) to share and found out early that it lifts the burden, rather than increases it.
And re: recovery ebbing and flowing–I’m glad I’m not the only one!
January 15th, 2008 at 3:20 am
Hi Erin - I read your Ebbs and Flows post too. I feel that way a lot; like I fall in and out of love with life on a monthly basis. I try to remember that a lot of processes in life are cyclical, so recovery and healing probably are too. Keeping a visual of progress being in the shape of an ascending spiral helps me a lot - it helps me see that even when it seems like I’m moving backwards, I’m not.
I isolated myself because of depression long before I started taking painkillers. And having fibro really exacerbated the whole situation. I’d never want to commit to doing anything because I’d never know if I’d have the energy or be pain-free that day. During those times the computer was my life line.
Nowadays I’m slowly rebuilding my social life. It’s hard though. People wear me out, or maybe I’m just worn out and it’s hard to keep up appearances. But I know that I need that contact with my friends and family, and I’m trying to give myself the things I need. Reading your post reinforced that for me. I think tomorrow I’ll call a friend and make a coffee date.
January 17th, 2008 at 1:46 am
Hey Erin, you’ve been tagged. Check out my blog for the facts.
January 18th, 2008 at 7:12 am
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