Just like most of us, my actively addicted self does not share much in common with my living clean self. It usually takes special occasions like the nearly here Christmas for me to realize just how much of a positive change there has been in myself.
My “birthday” or “anniversary” whichever you would like to call it is at the end of January. This means that last Christmas was one of the most dire times in my life. I still had not hit my bottom around Christmas time last year but let me tell you, I was hovering just above it.
I guess that it why this Holiday season has been so special for me. Long gone are the days when any sort of responsibility was too much for me to handle. Long gone are the days when making a plan and sticking to it was out of the question. Long gone are the days of wasting my money on drugs leaving me scrambling at the last minute for funds to be able to buy people’s Christmas gifts…not to mention how hard it was to actually give my money to a cashier knowing I could be using the money to get high.
This year I have really gotten in the Christmas spirit. I have realized that it is healthy to have things in your life to look forward to and I’m trying to put that into practice. I honestly made a decision that this year I would allow myself to enjoy all of the things that lead up to Christmas instead of dreading them.
There is a fine line between looking forward to an occasion and having expectations about an occasion. Expectations can end up in disappointment when things don’t go exactly how you would like. Remember…we have a tendency to want to change the world to fit our idea of it instead of accepting it for what it is.
So sure, enjoying this Christmas season was helped out by the fact that I have a kid young enough to believe it Santa, I had enough money to buy every gift I needed without being strapped for cash for the next six months and most of all this Christmas season I am living in recovery.
I wish you and your families a happy and safe Holiday.