I get up around whenever
I used to get up on time
But that old man he’s a real motherfucker
Gonna kick him on down the line
I used to do a little
But the little wasn’t do’n
So the little got more and more
I just keep try’n to get a little better
Said a little better than before
We’ve been dancing with Mr. Brownstone
He’s been knocking
He won’t leave me alone
Stuck em in the middle
And I shot em in the middle
And it drove me out of my mind
Should’a known better
Said I wish I never met him
Said I’d leave it all behind
Mr. Brownstone – Guns N Roses
A very old song, I know, but I always thought that this section of it’s lyrics really captures what my thought process was when I was using.
It has all of my old daily thoughts wrapped up in one neat package. It starts out with me sleeping later and later, then me telling myself that I’m going to stop using tomorrow (sure I said that yesterday but this time I mean it). Man remember when I only needed to spend $20.00 to get high, how did it get to this? How could I have been so stupid to start this shit, deep down I knew I would become a Junkie.
Towards the end those thoughts, in that order, played through my head more than I care to remember. Just the fact that I never have to have any one of those thoughts floating around in my brain ever again seems like reward enough for me.