Oh Little Brother… Still Fucking Up

January 7, 2010 — 5 Comments

For anyone who has kept up with this site you are familiar with the fact that I have a younger brother who struggles with an Oxycontin addiction just like his big sis. I have told you about how it’s torture for a recovering addict to watch an active addict.

The helplessness you feel when you are on the sidelines of someone else’s addiction can be staggering. I only know how to deal with my own addiction… not anyone else’s. But as it turns out, you have no choice. It is what it is.

It seems that my brother, who went back into a Suboxone program in November, has not been very successful in his recovery. How do I know, you ask? Well it became pretty clear when he called my father this afternoon from a police station after being arrested. At this very moment in time I can’t tell you exactly what he is being charged with but… I think I can make an educated guess.

Rationally I know how it goes. This is what needs to happen in order for him to realize that he can’t go on using. I know that he wasn’t close to hitting his bottom on his previous attempts of sobriety so it wasn’t really going to work. But who thinks rationally all the time? Sometimes your feelings get the best of you.

It’s pretty hard to be rational when you watch your mother completely lose her shit because once again her baby boy is all fucked up and there is NOTHING she can do. It’s pretty hard to be rational when you watch how your brother’s addiction has aged your dad about 10 years in the last year. It’s just such a fucked up situation that it’s pretty hard to keep a level head… hard but not impossible.

I love my brother. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. With that said, I can’t fucking stand him or the situations that he puts our whole family in. This needs to stop.

5 responses to Oh Little Brother… Still Fucking Up

  1. Hey guy, I just wanted to say, Hang in there, I have gone through the same thing, But with my 3 sons. I was an addict as well, or still am. But I got sober before them, and had to watch them mess up, and I watched them all go to prison,Two of them are still there. But, thats what it took to get them sober, and my oldest son will be there for 15 more yrs. He killed a lady, running from the cops,all because he was so high on oxoy, he didnt know what he was doing. So, just wanted to let you know somtimes it takes a hard lesson,thats how strong of Drugs they are. If u wanna talk, anytime, My no. is 602-518-6420. Susie

  2. Richard Van Voris January 8, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    As hard as it is to watch someone you love suffer, the worst thing you can do is let relapse become contagious. Get to meetings, pray and work your program, you brother has a higher power. Take care of your recovery.

  3. I am an oxycotin addict. I completed a rehab program almost 2 1/2 years ago and I have been clean since then. My rehab included suboxone and I am still taking suboxone. I have been fortunate, in that I have no trouble taking suboxone and I don’t crave oxycotin. I will start a suboxone step-down program next month. I worry about withdrawal symptoms from the suboxone step-down. Is it difficult? I’m scared to death and I fear faliure. I do not like losing at anything and I want to get off suboxone and not go back to oxycotin.

  4. I dont know if withdrawls are bad, Because I havent quit the Suboxone either. They tappered me down to 1and a half, But with me kicking and screamming, Not really, But you know what I mean. Any way nIam not doing so good on the 1ahalf, So I had to go back to 2 a day, And Iam waiting to hear from them. See they say they are not a maintance group, And there deal is to get people off of it as fast as they can. Well, Iam going on 2 years, So I dont know.

  5. Mike, and addict September 7, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    how are you on suboxone and claiming you are clean?? that’s a double negative…just like how my brother thinks because he goes to the methodone clinic every morning. Suboxone can be abused just the same as oxy’s. and the feelings are identical. suboxone is a narcotic. i’m confused now???

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