Since being in recovery for substance abuse there have been little changes in my outlook on life that happen all the time. I can’t say that I always notice them right when they happen, but sooner or later it usually hits me. I just came to the realization that I am now a person full of hope. This is quite a contrast to my outlook on life when I was actively addicted. Here is what happened.
When I was an active addict as soon as my eyes would open in the morning, morning meaning about 11am, I would be filled with the feeling of dread. Another day filled with lies, sneakiness and depression was just starting. When the sun was shining, it didn’t make me happy. It made me mad that it wasn’t raining. When it was raining at least I could blame my laziness and depression on the weather and not on the state of my life.
This morning I woke up at 7am. See, I can wake up early now because I actually sleep at night. I don’t wait for everyone else to fall asleep and then sneak out on the couch and just fall in and out of consciousness all night. The first thing that popped into my mind was how great it was that the sun was shining. I hopped right out of bed, I didn’t lay there and think of all the miserable things I was going to have to deal with today. You know, having to actually talk to people, having to make myself look presentable…when will it end!
I went into the living room, let out my ferret and was sitting on the couch just thinking. It dawned on me that I was actually looking forward to the day. I was excited at the thought that it was a new day. So many great things could happen today. I had a smile on my face just thinking of the possibilities. I guess this is what it means to be hopeful.
This is a great place to be in my addiction recovery. Not too long ago I was feeling a huge case of the blahs coming on and I thought that life was going to be like that forever. It goes to show that you really need to stay in the day and not worry about how you are going to be feeling a month from now. Today, I feel great.