I am in, what would still be considered, early recovery from an opiate addiction and I cannot shake the overwhelming urge to have a second child. That’s right, you heard it. I want to have another baby…but is it too soon?
When actively addicted to drugs the thought of ever having another child seemed revolting to me. Of course it would since my top priority in life was feeding my addiction. Anything that would get in the way of that just wasn’t going to happen. I found it hard enough to take care of the 4 year old child that I have already.
Now that I have some clean time under my belt I am starting to want things out of life again. One of those things happens to be another child. I had brought this up at one of my therapy appointments and was kind of surprised at the response I got from my therapist.
It is suggested that until you reach your one year benchmark in sobriety that you don’t make any huge changes in your life. That would then include adding another member to your family. It is thought that the stresses of having a baby and all the hormonal changes can lead you right back down the same path which you came from.
Sure there is a part of me that wonders if because everything is now going smoothly and life is good again…am I trying to screw it up for myself? It wouldn’t be the first time that I have acted in this way. I have self sabotaged in the past. Who knows why, but I have. Could this be one more instance of that behavior?
Then there is the other part of me that has confidence and faith in myself to stay on the road of recovery no matter what circumstances are thrown at me in life. Also I would have the full 9 months of pregnancy to still be accruing clean time and polish up my coping skills and my life skills. I would have hit the one year benchmark and then some in sobriety.
I guess when it comes down to it there are arguments for both sides just as there are for many things in life. The decision will come down to me knowing myself, being honest with myself and being aware of my addictive thinking. I have been working on all three of those things since entering into addiction recovery and imagine I will always have to work on those…I am an addict after all.