Some of you may not think that taking Benedryl to make yourself feel drowsy and fall asleep would be considered a relapse…for me it definitely was. So how did this happen?
In my posts about going through the Cymbalta withdrawal I had mentioned that I had begun taking Benedryl to ease the Cymbalta withdrawal symptoms. I never took more than I had to and only the amount directed. Until…
I was done feeling crappy from Cymbalta withdrawals for a few days. Fourth of July came and for some reason I was feeling pretty emotional and just kind of down. I had written a post that morning saying that I was thinking about my childhood Fourth of July memories and how happy everyone used to be and it just kind of made me sad.
I did the whole family party thing and when I got home I went into the bathroom, opened up the drawer, saw one dose of Benedryl remaining in the box and right away took it (for no medical reason). Now, I know some may say that this is not a big deal but if you read my About Me page you can see that this is a big deal. I had a real problem with using OTC sleep aids as a form of escapism. I really thought I was done with that.
What let’s me get to the point of actually relapsing? Why am I not seeing the signs beforehand and doing something about it? Obviously I won’t be keeping Benedryl or any other type of drug that makes me drowsy in my line of sight anymore. I keep thinking if only I had just gotten rid of it when I was done using it for the withdrawal symptoms I wouldn’t have been able to take it.
Once again I’m left with the question of how to make this relapse a learning experience. What can I take from this? I’m trying not to get down on myself about it. I realize that I’m human and mistakes will be made. I also feel pretty good that I’m taking this as serious as I am. Like I said, I could just say “hey it’s just Benedryl, what’s the big deal”. But I am able to admit that it is a serious thing.
That’s really all I have so far. Here I am again, smacked in the face with the reality that I’m an addict…always will be. I guess it just gets tiring sometimes always having to fight to stay sober. That’s no excuse of course. I know that life is a battle. So back to trying to Do What The Winners Do.