The answer to that is no. I have not been going to any Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I know, I know…it’s bad. I have been successfully talking myself out it. I can be very persuasive when I want to be. So where does this leave me?
In terms of using, I’m not and don’t want to. So that’s good. In terms of isolating? I think I am. Of course I communicate with other addicts on line and I share my stories that way but as for face to face contact with people, I don’t have much.
I’m feeling a little lonely lately as a result. All of the people that I used to hang out with still drink and do whatever so it’s not like I can really hang out with them much. I basically have not made any real friends that are sober. I have people that I’m friendly with at the usual Narcotics Anonymous meeting that I was going to. But that’s about the extent of it. Of course I have my husband and that is great. But a girl needs at least one friend too.
I guess I need to get back into the swing of things when it comes to going to meetings. It’s like when you go to the gym all the time you can’t stop going because if you miss a few days in a row…forget about it. To get yourself to go back is pretty hard. I’m not saying it’s impossible and I know I have to do it. It is just taking that first step that is hard.
I’m going to find a Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to go to tonight. No exceptions, no talking myself out of it. I think the more I talk myself out of it the more it shows I truly need to go. Funny how that works. That is as far as I’m going to let myself think about it. I just need to find one, and leave the house to go to it. Once I’m there I do the usual internal debate with myself about sharing. What it all really comes down to is forcing myself to just raise my hand. Once I get talking I’m fine. After I’m done talking I’m great.
So it has all come down to this question. Am I willing to do what the winners do? The answer is yes. I will get myself to go to a meeting and once I’m there I will share some of the things that I’ve allowed to keep my from going to meetings. I will also allow myself to identify with other people who are sharing their stories. This is what the winners do.