Separated from my husband and without my kid on the weekends can leave me with a lot of down time. I try and fill that time with something constructive like working. But this weekend I find myself with nothing but time.
Throw in the fact that yesterday was Valentine’s Day and that everyone I usually hang with has someone that they wanted to spend that Valentine’s Day with… I was feeling a little lonely.
Well if you’re feeling lonely you reach out to people right? Try to make connections? Well, I still have that little voice inside of me that tells me to do exactly the opposite. Hide, don’t let anyone know how you’re feeling, suck it up. Why do I do that?
Normally I can see that little voice for what it is and pretty much do the opposite of what it’s telling me. Yesterday I just didn’t have it in me. I hid and just waited for my loneliness to pass. Probably not the best way to handle things but it’s what I did.
I’m glad to say that I woke up today feeling a lot better about things. I was able to shake that “fuck it” attitude somehow while I was sleeping and am relieved to find myself feeling like myself again. Good thing cause I don’t know how I would have handled another day like yesterday.
I’m not sure when I became one of those people that needs to keep themselves busy OR ELSE… but that’s where I’m at. I guess maybe I’ve always been that way but I used to keep myself busy by staying fucked up. Hmmm… who knew.
So yes, as cliche as it sounds… I was lonely on Valentine’s Day. But Valentine’s Day is over now and so are my feelings of loneliness 🙂