Comments on: What a Cliche… Lonely on Valentine’s Day http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/what-a-cliche-lonely-on-valentines-day/ Stories, Struggles And Success of A Recovering Addict Trying to Do What Winners Do Wed, 28 Jul 2010 09:54:50 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Bill Urell http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/what-a-cliche-lonely-on-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-6404 Bill Urell Tue, 17 Feb 2009 04:18:11 +0000 http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/?p=333#comment-6404 On off days my little night time ritual makes it worthwhile for me. When I hunker down in bed at night and pull up the covers, no matter how lonely I felt, how bad work went, or the fact the neighbors cat clawed mee...all of it goes away when I remember the one thing I did perfectly. I did not drink today. As long as I do that I have a shot at things looking up tomorrow. Bill U On off days my little night time ritual makes it worthwhile for me. When I hunker down in bed at night and pull up the covers, no matter how lonely I felt, how bad work went, or the fact the neighbors cat clawed mee…all of it goes away when I remember the one thing I did perfectly. I did not drink today. As long as I do that I have a shot at things looking up tomorrow.

Bill U

]]> By: Tim http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/what-a-cliche-lonely-on-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-6401 Tim Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:06:01 +0000 http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/?p=333#comment-6401 I find that there are times when I use isolation as an escape from reality. However, there are also times when I isolate in order to take care of myself. There is NEVER a time I want to isolate more then when I'm NOT isolating. Know what I mean? Apparently I need more practice at this whole reaching out thing. This weekend I told my 13 year old son, how proud I was at the way he reached out to friends. What I find particularly amazing is that my son seems unaffected when he reaches out and doesn't receive anything in return. I, on the other hand, have used what I've perceived as rejection from others, as an excuse to let my addict play. My hope is that I can somehow look at life through my son's filter. If I reach out to someone and they don't reach back, I don't need to make that situation about me and what a big loser I am. I find that there are times when I use isolation as an escape from reality. However, there are also times when I isolate in order to take care of myself. There is NEVER a time I want to isolate more then when I’m NOT isolating. Know what I mean? Apparently I need more practice at this whole reaching out thing.

This weekend I told my 13 year old son, how proud I was at the way he reached out to friends. What I find particularly amazing is that my son seems unaffected when he reaches out and doesn’t receive anything in return. I, on the other hand, have used what I’ve perceived as rejection from others, as an excuse to let my addict play.

My hope is that I can somehow look at life through my son’s filter. If I reach out to someone and they don’t reach back, I don’t need to make that situation about me and what a big loser I am.

]]> By: bottlecappie http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/what-a-cliche-lonely-on-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-6396 bottlecappie Sun, 15 Feb 2009 22:30:31 +0000 http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/?p=333#comment-6396 A big part of my recovery has been learning the difference between "isolating" and "needing solitude." As much as I know that I need friends and a social life, I also get tired out very easily when I'm around people too much. The worst feeling is being alone and not wanting to be. Well, maybe not THE worst, but one of the less enjoyable anyway. Lately I've been trying to figure out how to enjoy being alone, rather than just tolerating it or getting through it by staying busy. I've been meditating and doing yoga, reading and writing...and sleeping (my favorite hobby, ha.) I figure that life gives us the lessons we need to learn, so if I'm finding myself alone a lot I can take a couple of things from that. One is, like you said, to reach out. The other is to make peace with it. The trick, as usual, is finding the right balance between the two. A big part of my recovery has been learning the difference between “isolating” and “needing solitude.” As much as I know that I need friends and a social life, I also get tired out very easily when I’m around people too much.

The worst feeling is being alone and not wanting to be. Well, maybe not THE worst, but one of the less enjoyable anyway. Lately I’ve been trying to figure out how to enjoy being alone, rather than just tolerating it or getting through it by staying busy. I’ve been meditating and doing yoga, reading and writing…and sleeping (my favorite hobby, ha.)

I figure that life gives us the lessons we need to learn, so if I’m finding myself alone a lot I can take a couple of things from that. One is, like you said, to reach out. The other is to make peace with it. The trick, as usual, is finding the right balance between the two.

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