Why Have An Addiction Recovery Blog?

March 21, 2010 — 10 Comments

I am pretty open with people about being a recovering addict but what I found myself hiding was the fact that I run an addiction recovery blog. It just seems like some people just don’t get it. They ask “why have an addiction recovery blog?”.

This is going to ring true for a lot of addicts and alcoholics when I say that I have an inability to share my emotions and feelings with others. Somehow, at some point in my life I learned the art of stuffing my feelings away…looking on the outside like I have everything in control and freaking out, feeling bad and suffering on the inside. All with a smile on my face.

When I first entered into the rehab in January of this year I was given the advice of keeping a journal. I do like writing, obviously, but writing my feelings and thoughts with the chance that someone else might read them scared the shit out of me. I figured these people knew better than I did about what works and what doesn’t so I followed the advice.

Putting It On Paper

I kept a pen and paper journal from the first day that I entered into rehab. I would write about all of the horrible withdrawal symptoms I was feeling. I figured if I was really explicit about it, there was no way in the future I could sugar coat it to myself and say “well it really wasn’t that bad”.

There are several pages dealing with the fact that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. It truly made me sick to look at myself. I looked like a strung out junky in a rehab mirror. Who was this person?

Meetings Weren’t Cutting It For Me

I would try and follow my own advice for sharing at a meeting, just raise your hand. I would get myself to do that and I would bare my soul to strangers. While this did make me feel better, not being able to hear a response from anyone about what I just said left me wanting more.

As anyone who attends AA or NA meetings knows, there is a “no cross talk” rule meaning that no one is allowed to comment on what you shared with the group. I found that this doesn’t work for me. I need cross talk. I want people to comment on what I just said.

It became clear to me that while I agree with the philosophy of NA/AA I needed something more. I needed to be able to share what was going on in my head and actually hear from people that could identify with me.

Is Anyone Reading This Stuff

When I first started posting entries on the What Winners Do site I felt like I was talking to myself. Again, this wasn’t a bad thing. I had learned from my pen and paper journal to really appreciate putting my thoughts and feelings out there and clearing them out of my head. It was unburdening myself all of my weird shit.

Since I had about 6 unique hits per day I knew that at least someone was reading what I was writing. I had made a friend in The Discovering Alcoholic right away. He was a huge encouragement to me from the beginning. I would post some blog entries on his site from time to time and that is where I first found the satisfaction of people commenting on what I had written. That was definitely more therapeutic for me than speaking at a meeting and just having people say “thanks for sharing”.

My husband also encouraged me by reminding me that even though there isn’t a huge amount of traffic to the site right now, if I keep writing sooner or later, people will find me and read my posts. If you write it they will come (field of dreams…anyone?). So that is what I did. I wrote as if I had hundreds of hits per day. Soon, it was a reality.

I Value Your Opinions And Advice

Now that I actually have people not only reading what I write but also giving me their opinions and advice I benefit from my blog more than what can be explained in words. I need this, this is a huge part of my recovery.

When a fellow recovering addict or alcoholic reads what I have posted and than gives me their objective point of view it truly helps me to see things in a different light. It gets me away from the place where I know and leads me to a place where I can learn.

Just as an FYI this post was inspired by a post I read on Behind Pinned Eyes. Reading that post got me thinking about this one…thank you.

10 responses to Why Have An Addiction Recovery Blog?

  1. Hi!

    Wonderful idea!! Whatever works for you is good.

    wishing you the very best

  2. Just think, it is very possible that someone has or will gain the insight right here that helps them either start or continue with their recovery. What you do now could very well save a life, sounds melodramatic but it is very true because we both know how many times the story of addiction ends very bad.

    And by helping even if only one, you have accomplished more with your blog than many people will with their entire lives.

    Good for you, good for me, good for all- that is why I say everyone should have a recovery blog.

  3. I am another who is glad you are here. Please keep writing and I will keep reading.
    You do good work, Erin.
    Peace,
    Scout

  4. Very informative and impressive site! There can never be too much dialog when it come to recovery. I know all too well, the devastation caused by addiction. It is sites like yours that dispel the myths and try to remove the stigma attached to recovery. BRAVO!!
    John D.

  5. After a almost break down last night I started looking for information. I am not sure if this is where I should look or not. I have been on Cymbalta for a year now 30mg. and in this time I have started having what I called “Moments” they alternated between crying to SCREAMing and wanting to hurt my self just to make my inside feelings stop. these Moments have gone from once a month to every other day. I cant stand it I want to be happy and that is why I started taking this any way. At this moment I am lost and scard. What do I do where do I go. What can I expect and for how long… All of these post have had a positive point to them and I belive I am making a good decission to stop cymbalta. THK.

  6. Hi Blueline
    Thanks for checking out the site. I think that a must read post on this site for you is http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/severe-cymbalta-withdrawal-symptoms/. More importantly than the post itself are the comments. There a bunch of us that were on Cymbalta for a long time and are either in the middle of going through Cymbalta withdrawal or have gotten through it completely.

    There maybe a story or two on there that you can identify with.

  7. Here I am sitting on my own with a glass of vodka in my hand ..trying somehow to find the inspiration to make my life different …better…more acceptable.. oh dont get me wrong, I have been there and done that ! I can walk the walk ..just cant talk the talk ..not at the moment! I had anorexia at 13 then bulimia for another 17yrs..I was such a lucky girl and got the help that I needed in an eating disorders hospital in the UK ..but I went home to find my mum dying of cancer…all my new coping tools …well my addiction went from food to drink..cause thats seemed ok and thats not what I had been stuggling with for the last 20 years! My mother died my husband left me & my daughter just could not cope and basically went of the rails and ended up in care. After 2 yrs of trying to get her back…..it just wasnt going to happen she just didnt want to know me! 2yrs ago I moved to Spain from the UK with my son….but hey guess what guys..running away is not the answer! Your blogs ..as such…have reminded me of so much that I learned in hospital ….I beat that I can beat this!!!

    I will defo check in with you guys again soon

    Thanks !

  8. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. šŸ™‚ Cheers! Sandra. R.

  9. I have never been on a blog site. I know that sharing from my heart, daily helps my ego stay lower. I would like to find out how to find your blog.

  10. hi. im relatively new to this whole ‘gettin’ clean’ thing and after going an entire day justifying why i can get high tomorrow after my mandatory drug testing and not get caught, i found myself reading about 2 dozen of your posts. im sure i’ll have more days like today, but as of this moment i don’t want to get high tomorrow. thank you. you’re on my favorites and have saved me probably a lot of trouble. i’m totally hooked on your posts. its nice to know there are other ppl out there havin “one of those days” or questioning if they even have a problem, while hiding habits from their counselors…well, im rambling..

    anyways, i have no idea why my eyes are watering right now, but thank youuu. this blog is a life saver.

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